Reckoning Day

Sotd: let her go – passenger.

So yeah day one of summer school and its sick. Like all my fears have gone. I had kinda expected you know with the whole physics camp thing it would be kinda weird and y’know a little weird.

But yeah, everyone’s chill, we’re all ISSYP rejects, everyone is super welcoming and yeah loving it.

It’s like struan without the little kids, more independence and a sick hotel room with all inclusive bands.

We haven’t actually done anything physics yet, little weird but honestly it seems like more of an all inclusive trip to the region to try and entice us to come work here and goddamn am I down for that.

One thing that is strange is how much harder getting into university is in other countries, without a perfect SAT or a 4.0 gpa you’re just not even getting an interview.

Finishing here because lazy and need sleep because early wake ups but yeah, living well.

First Flight

Sotd: sedona – houndmouth.

Named after the greatest animated movie of all time – green lantern first flight. Now I don’t really know why everyone shits on the cg green lantern movie, I quite liked it. But then again at the time I was young and adored Geoff John’s writing so maybe anything he wrote would’ve been cool.

So yeah finally got my first flight on my own. I mean by now I’ve been own probably 2 dozen flights so that wasn’t too stressful apart from the fact I got to the airport with 30 minutes till gate closing which was kinda scary but they pushed back boarding 10 minute so that’s fine.

So this week’s nerd camp week. I’m happy but it does mean I’m missing a fair bit of stuff :first assembly of the year, choosing seats in classes and meeting the new kids.

I’m a little confused what nerd camp is going to be like. We have a WhatsApp group and maybe it’s just foreigners text different but the only emoji they use is the love heart eyes which is strangely disconcerting. I’m judging the way too early, this will be good. How can it not be? I think it’s just china camp all over again – a bunch of kids locked in a hotel. Just instead of Chinese cultural appreciation (read propaganda) we have science appreciation.

I do feel a bit bad about my colleague who literally hasn’t gone on holiday in years and this is me going away for the third time in 30 days. But to be fair this is cheap as hell, I’m only paying like ¬£150 for the program which is pretty banging for a week’s holiday.

I remember when I was a dickhead kid my mum said to me “when you start making money you’ll value it” and now I’ve realised how much rubbish I have to go through to earn that peso I’m loathe to spend it. I bought a new pair of trainers on a huge discount and still feel weird about spending so much on them, despite it costing less that a day’s work.

It Just Clicks

Sotd: where you are – Sammy Adams. It’s sick but it must be weird trying to sing like that.

So I decided to start listening to redbeard again because maybe it’s a perennial thing where I need the big ginger beard to instruct me about what to do.

My posts last year were just full of esoteric stuff, the idea of living in abundance in everything you do and all that new age things, but it worked I suppose. I laughed more and did more and that was just incredible.

There wasn’t any of this “do it bitch” mentality that I used to (and have just started garnering again) have. It just flowed out, I ate what I was meant to ate, took time for everything and did what I was meant to do.

Sitting where I am I can’t really believe it actually happened just because it takes so much effort right now to do it. When you’re winning it’s easy to win more, you have that momentum behind you. It’s easier to make good choices.

So what do I need to do? I’m loathe to say I’ve slipped backwards, I’m falling into deep work easier than ever and I’m more self aware. I think it’s just getting everything else in gear. I reckon it will slip in fine once school starts again and I lose hours that I once have and I’m forced to trim off the excess. Well it better because I really hope I don’t end up spending my few free hours in the day watching the blacklist.

Lord Knows

sotd: I want it all – futuristic. This all brings me back to the time in my life when I was scrolling through the youtube comments section on an oliver video, some guy commented saying something about “what genre is this” and some guy says cloud rap, and that cloud rap meant anyone who rapped on soundcloud and that triggered me to no end.

I really don’t know what to talk about today, I saw the game of thrones episode 6 yesterday night which was honestly terrifyingly good, shit was bomb and jesus it annoys me so much that all the leaks were correct, like you kinda knew everything that was going to happen. I’m not sure how they did it but there was this leak years ago that told the whole story ark of season 7 and apparently it’s all panning out.

So yeah thrones is real good, and I’m gonna finish here because I’m lazy and frankly I post everyday, I’m allowed an off day every now and then.

 

Bru Ha

Sotd: remember you – geazy

I think it’s been a couple months since I last talked about my sheer inability to text anyone so let’s get back into it because content is king and right now I’m a lowly serf.

So back when I was 10 or so I used to be well into texting, dropping a hunnid or so a day just typing the most random shit. Even when conversations really shouldn’t have been continued on I would just burn it to the ground. When you have to create acronyms like “wug2bu2” for what are you going to be up to you know you’ve reached some level of depravity that is just so rare among the civilized west.

I think somewhere during that time I gained some self awareness as to how weird this whole thing was, either that or people stooped replying but for the sake of my pride I’ll pretend I realised I was being weird.

This was probably four years ago, and I think I just realized that it was pointless, the conversations never went anywhere. The people I texted I would never actually talk to in real life and it was just some verbal slops, nothing really happened.

So I stopped, pretty much cold Turkey, I just stopped texting. I think at that time it was an active choice to just not reply, I thought it was funny and made me seem cool which just shows how deluded I was.

Now it’s kinda evolved, I don’t intentionally not reply. It’s just this weird thing where I can’t be bothered, I see the notification, swipe it away and promise I’ll answer later and then 4 hours later remember it, then realise it’s too late to reply so just not bother.

Even when the conversation is poppin in the dms I just can’t. I decide to just go back to whatever else I’m doing and let it time out. I just can’t physically do it.

Does this need fixing? Probably because I accidently pied my driving instructor for a day and my boss had to call me to arrange my work. But I dunno I kinda like being free from the shackles of texting, I’ll do it when I need to but not as this weird auxillary conversation as I did when I was younger.

Ryzen

Sotd: like the way – aer. Started listening to the daily doc music again and its fire.

So today in store was the day of the bratty kids. There’s kids walking in with iPhone 7s demanding 20 gigs of data and the high end storage options from their cowering parents and yeah it kinda just sickens me. Maybe it’s just the way I was brought up but Jesus Christ if i ever wanted something it would take months of persuasion to get something, I’d spend so much time thinking about it and by the time I finally got it I would cherish it.

Like before I got my first android phone I spent so long researching it, figuring out how I would customise it so much so that I borrowed a family friends phone once and had it fully customized in an hour as I would’ve done my own one. I think it did me good to not immediately get what I wanted.

Maybe its fucked me in terms of monkey rewards but dunno I just feel it’s weird to see all these kids who can literally do anything they want and yeah they’re gonna get fucked irl.

Wait, What?

sotd: 18002738255 – logic. Had to copy and paste that because there was no way I remembered that. Got it because man logic was on rick and morty and because it’s real trendy to watch that show, even though it’s just an inferior phineas and ferb.

For the first time in probably a year I actually deleted a portion of a post and didn’t delete it. For some weird ass reason i thought I’d write about death, (it has more context than that, I promise) then I remembered, what the hell am I doing, this blog is meant to be shits, giggles and me shitting on myself.

I got my anniversary badge the other day, two years I’ve been on this infernal site, 730 something posts, at 300 words average a post that’s 219000 words (honestly I thought it would be a lot more impressive than that, that’s not even 7 bloody figures) if anything it’s a testament to the power of building habits, it’s just kinda instinctual now, part of the daily routine, you find time to fit it in. Unlike other habits, this one is so ingrained it’s as quotidian as taking a shit, a verbose, angsty-teenager shit.

I wrote a lovely little anniversary post last year, I won’t this year, by now it’s just a diary of a kid. A documentation of a life lived. I was watching one of those lifestyle videos, one of those ones where upperclass white kids go to cambodia, pretend to be poor, get outrageously comfy looking clothes and just go around filming cinematics and eating smoothie bowls and pretend they’re both traditional cuisine and healthy, and pretend they’re entrepreneurs (in my angry haze I forgot where this point is going).

Looking back at that must be cool, to see what they did, the highlights. THis blog is kinda the same thing but it also shows the angst, the rubbish i have to go through and the mundaneness of daily life, the fun and giggles.

So as I promised on new year’s I’ll try be more honest, talk about the real stuff because fuck it I’m 17, I can take a little roasting about some words I wrote on a blog – ¬†that and book summaries because I need to start doing them, I barely remember anything I read.

Happy anniversary guys.