The 5 Year Deception

The biggest and longest running lie I’ve every conceived is still going on.
It started when I was 10, sitting in a classroom in P5 and the teacher brought up the topic for our next lesson: Sex Ed. Now I’d heard rumblings of this mystical beast, my friends’ older brothers would tell us facts (which I now know to be false) about the subject.

I’m a BBC, a British-born Chinese, and us Asians aren’t typically famed for our sexual aptitude (something, incidentally my primary teacher id not teach me) my parents have never really broached the subject with me, even at this age.

So when I got home that day, my dad asked me as always: “So what did you do in school today.” I list everything chronologically until it comes to the subject of Sex Ed. For some strange reason I decide to omit it from my list, maybe I thought I would tell them about it tomorrow when I garnered a better understanding of the subject.

The next day rolled around, I got home and still didn’t mention it. Nor the next day, or week. My parent’s never found out that I learnt Sex Ed.

This lie managed to continue on, like all parents mine would ask about friend who were girls and constantly jest that they were my ‘little girlfriends’ anyway me being the decisive child, decided that I was bored of their teasing and just do away with any mentions of females in my life.

Mixed birthday parties would become boys only, I would only mention male friends in conversation, it became second nature to omit any female interactions.

Now you may wonder how my parents could believe I barely ever talked to girls, and I have to stress that my parents fall plainly into the behaviours you’d expect Asian parents to follow. Numerous times they’ve mentioned no dating until University, study hard or die and of course berating white kids for sucking compared to Chinese kids.

Of course now that I’m getting older I’ve started going to more parties and out of school meetings. The excuses have gotten more elaborate. Like a time we went to a (female) friend’s house after school one day for her birthday party, that turned out to be a extra session of our pupil council that ran on for an extra 2 hours. House parties became sleepovers (because me stumbling back home at 2am, a little tipsy is not something that would befit an Asian parent’s view of their child)

It’s a great conversation piece, telling people where your parents think you are. But recently I reckon my parents are cottoning on. I left messenger signed in on the family iPad for a while without realising and I’m pretty sure my parents know a little, not enough to freak them out. I might try and drip feed them the truth, because eventually they will have to find out their child can actually converse with the other sex.


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