Texting Wif Ladies and Laddys

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Guest post with skinny, salacious, sexy, supportive, salubrious, scandalous and simple-minded Sofsan. This is taken verbatim from a dumb half Indian lady (apparently she’s quarter Indian but who cares). She’s lovely but I wouldn’t date her because she smells a lot.

Texting is a form of art, there are many ways for it to go wrong but it is generally abstract. Kevin and Sofia have come together with a list of their most least favourite text conventions.

When some hoe texts first but don’t bother replying.
When yo side hoe decides to strike up a convo with some fire patter. But then don’t follow through to close the deal and pies you in the face when you try volley back with some of your own chat.

Double texting to get replies.
When yo talking partner sends you some sub-par graft and you don’t wanna reply to show ’em that their patter is weak. So they sense it an not wanting to get their self confidence down the repeatedly send you more messages with increasingly dire patter in order to get replies.

When you send long paragraphs and only get one word replies.
When you take the time to finger bash out some para but the hoe you texting decides you dirt and only sends a single word back e.g. K, whatever.

Being patched when you know they’re online.
When some little girl deigns not to reply to you by pretending they are sleeping, having a shower, with other boys, asking for a restraining order etc. But you ken that they’re on their phone because they’re posting indie selfies with their Pumpkin Spice Lattes.

When you get patched even when the patters a 10.
When you send off a straight fire text to yo main hoe but she decides to not reply using some rubbish excuse like “I’m tired” or “stop texting me or I’ll call the police”

When they say brb and don’t ever bother coming back. (just like my last girlfriend) when they say they gonna hit you up later but decide to not to because they obviously enough to care.

When you tryna pie a laddy but you accidentally open his message.
Nuff said tbh, don’t wanna be a dickhead so you have to reply with some sub-par chat and then they don’t reply and it feels awful.

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