Today’s fun topic of the day will be anxiety. I think, I don’t know it seemed like something I’d talk about. I don’t think I’m a generally anxious person, I doubt it, but it does come at points. Maybe it’s one of those masculine things to never admit having anxiety, that along with depression and being in pain. But to hell with society’s stereotypes, they’re boring and uninteresting, and generally don’t have the desired effect.
I definitely had anxiety yesterday. I joke about performance anxiety a lot (usually about my friend when he can’t piss in front of other people). But I’m sure it’s a real thing. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, there were a few shakes and stuff but deep breathing and ET gets me through.
Back in the day at china camp (I bring it up far too much without actually fully going into it) before my performance I was dying, literally and figuratively. (3 hours sleep for a few days does that to a man). But the jitters were bad. I had deigned not to practise before my performance and give all my practise time to my friend (oh how gracious and majestic a friend I am). The day before I had a few jitters and whilst sitting in the cue I was freaking out, my legs were bouncing. I couldn’t control my hands and I went to the bathroom about 5 times in 10 minutes. Needless to say it went badly.
Point is (there’s a point to this?) I’ve never really had long term anxiety, just the occasional bits before important things. I don’t think anxiety is one of those things you really don’t wanna go without. It’s like stress, short term it’s a great propellent but it’ll mess you up badly in the long term.