Self Delusion

As I say on the bus home today, I thought to myself “why did I waste half an hour today at starbucks.” Sure it wasn’t totally wasted, I did some socializing (apparently something I need to work on) but really it’s not fitting with what I need to do right now. I’m in the middle of exams so why did I do this? I pondered and pondered for a good 5 minutes (that seems to be how long my brain can go before the “durrs” set in).

My conclusion is that it’s the same reason I go to bed at 9:30 during exams when I could revise for longer, or why I don’t bother doing the proper past papers (well to be honest I don’t do the past papers because they bore me to death).

The reason why… (after a very long lead up) is to trick my brain. I’ve talked before about how mindset makes you win, well somehow subliminally (or because I’m lazy or because I have bad memory and had originally intended that and forgotten) If I go to bed at 9:30 and not revise I’m telling my brain that I’m fine, there’s nothing to worry about and I’ll do fine, thus leading to my brain unlocking it’s full secrets during my exam (how wishy-washy but oh well I swear by it). Even if I don’t think I’ll do fine (because at heart I’m still a little scared child) my brain decides not to argue, the conflicting messages between pre-exam anxiety and rest coming over me seem to cancel out into a gentle platitude.

Well I’ve either solved the secrets to the universe or somehow managed to justify wasting time, either way it’s a post.


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