Dilemmas of the Soul

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I’ll start this off with a quote, it’s one of those really annoying cringey things that white girls will incessantly quote and put as their status as a way to demonstrate their “superior” understanding of the world.

Working jobs we hate, to buy things we don’t want, to impress people we don’t like.

I probably butchered the quote but I just realized its by Tyler Durden. Captain redbeards Internet nickname.

Anyway I feel a little bit as if I’m stuck in this little rut that is being described above. Sure I’m not working a job I hate or buying much but I’ve got the general gist. In my eagerness to return to normality and relaxation after these few months I’ve sacrificed my… Congruence? Would that be the right word? Well something to do with not being my true self and doing things I want to do. I’m on a bus to meet some friends in town right now, I don’t really want to meet them. (hopefully they don’t read this blog) but they’re a bit boring and I have other things to do with my time. I could be tinkering with my pebble or just playing around with new music, I have shows to watch and sonatas on the piano to learn. So why am I doing this? Well in the Tyler durden quote it mentions something about advertising. So that’ll be it, I’m meeting people because it’s been advertised to me that meeting people is something that lessens stress and relaxes you. I’ve joined the social norm, problem is I don’t really subscribe to that (I hate myself for writing that, oh how cool am I, what a hipster). I’d probably rather tinker with some things, play a bit of piano or go for a lone walk than go into town with some people. Oh well.

So here it is. My realization that I’m probably not doing what I want to do in life right now, I’m gonna start trying to change this one, do things I want to do. But do not despair dear reader, I’ve still got things going for me, I have things I’d rather do, I’m living in an abundance of choices, I just to have the willpower (willpower? Maybe the knowledge) to choose what I want to do instead of some narrative that has been handed down to me.

Well I thought I’d add this bit in but I’m on the way home now and I’m pretty happy I stayed true to myself (this is turning into a high school musical post) but I spent 40 minutes walking around a Christmas market to find this mythical stall that sells their bratwurst inside this nice little artisan bread with sauerkraut on top (I love sauerkraut more than life itself) that seems like something I’d do and it was pretty fun doing something I wanted to do, plus it tasted pretty bomb.

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