The title’s an amorphism of the film “Run Fatboy Run”(it’s not really a classic, and apparently amorphism is a word, contrary to my computer’s spellcheck). I don’t really remember much of it, I don’t remember much of most things if I’m honest. Just this one scene where Simon Pegg, is running some marathon and he hits this wall thing. He wants to give up, he’s panting and every muscle in his little sinewy ginger body is on fire. He thinks of his child or something or other and pushes through.
I’ve been fascinated with this wall thing. Working so hard that eventually your own mind begins to revolt against you, your body feels that it’s in so much danger that it begins to terrify itself. One of the annoying things about only being able to habit and own one body in your entire life is that you can’t ever tell what other people are feeling (or tasting, I wonder what other people think about eating pickles) I’ll never truly know what the “wall” is. Or I’ll just have to destroy my body so badly that my mind begins to degrade itself, through some monumental force of will I could continue past what would destroy others. This whole force of will thing is very cool to me. “Average skill, phenomenal will” as ET always says, it’s appealing to be able to beat people just through a demonstration of superior action. Shame that currently I am not in the mindset to be able to totally destroy myself. I would say that I’ve never been really physically pushed. In working memory I can only recount one or two instances in which I’ve actually been moved to throwing up during exercise. That’s probably one of the reasons I’m adamant about taking rowing as seriously as I should, I’ll do any weights sessions, but cardio is something I fear, I fear being buckled over, feeling like the world is about to fall on my head, watching to edges of my vision fade to black (at least that’s what I think vigorous exercise does to you).
I can’t run, I just put it down to genetics, I swear asians can’t run (great excuse eh, my uncle regularly runs marathons) but it’s my most hated of sporting things, even worse than something atrocious (I can’t think of any horrible sporting events) it pains my legs and my arthritic knees make it painful. Plus for years I had subscribed to that idea that you should breath every second step – that one’s a severe no. Plus ew, imagine pushing yourself to do things. So when today, we were asked to do a lovely little lap of our darling canal, I almost crumpled, but alas I had a saviour in some deep hidden recessed part of my mind. This little video by some stupid YouTube channel I subscribe to. Some woman was talking about how she runs her ultra marathons, just take it step by step and breath deeply. So I did that, I ran to each light thing on the path and breathed pretty hard and sang stupid nursery rhymes in my head, it worked pretty well and I’m only half dead right now.