Self Discovery

First day of the holidays today. This begins my new journey into finding myself and becoming a more centred person (if I’m honest, right now I’m a little too approval seeking for my own liking).

How I’m going to do this. Do things I want to do, and do things I don’t want to do but I know I should do. I started this morning off like I wanted to do. I sat in bed for a while scrolling through the internet. I had a cold this morning so that was my little way of trying to appease my body to let me be unsick, I’m fine now.

I made an omelette for breakfast, I quite like cooking, well rather I like making lots of food that I like in a way I like. Today’s hodgepodge had some iberico ham, cut up Yorkshire pudding and a lot of other random things I found in my fridge. I watch videos of fat, old, racist texan men cooking gators. This is what I wanted to watch at the time, I’ll watch it.

A round of vainglory ensues, vainglory is basically just LoL for the iPad, there’s something I like about playing these games but I don’t have the patience nor the processor to play LoL properly.

Then I open the prize, a LEGO millennium falcon model, it’s supposed to be a Christmas present but it’s something to do over the holidays. For two hours I play with this LEGO, I’m still nowhere near done. And scarily there’s already leftover pieces, hopefully it doesn’t break apart too quickly.

I wrote this little diary thing because it’s a list of things that made me happy today, I’ve decided to treat myself like an autistic child, you’ve got to take it slowly and give the carrot first. Now comes the stick, I’m starting my 200 pushups a day again, I may put the number up now I don’t have to spend half my day in school. From Monday I’m going to the gym every morning for an erg and swim. Whilst I’ve decided to love myself, it’s not easy love, it’s the kind of love where you have to work for it (a fat annoying friend taught me that one).

I like this new thing, doing things for myself, choosing myself. It’s good and I like where this is going, life seems brighter, despite the bleaker weather.

Maybe Bea did teach me something about appreciating life while you have it.

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