This morning I was set the question: “What are your 3 biggest fear?” I grimaced a little, put the phone down and proceeded to start my day. A few ideas rolled around my head, but eventually I settled down on 3 that seemed pretty probable to be my 3 fears right now.
- Losing my memory or cognitive decline, this one terrifies me, without my brain or conciousness what am I?
- Going blind or losing my glasses
- Being publicly shamed or demonized
I suppose I should probably go over these. (though truth be told they probably aren’t my 3 deepest fears, only those that sprung up to mind pretty instantly this morning).
The first one is pretty self explanatory, I really like myself and it would be a shame to lose that, well it goes deeper than that but it’s not really something that can be put easily into words and I still have a metric tonne of work to be done today.
The second one is a pretty realistic fear, okay perhaps not the going blind, I’m damn short sighted but still nowhere near blind, this one is pretty irrational. But the whole losing or breaking your glasses thing is scary. I think the things take like a week to arrive, so I’m stuck for a good while being virtually blind and wandering around the halls hitting people.
The whole fear of being publicly shamed thing comes from a few sources, firstly the Julien Blanc fiasco, where a man got destroyed by the media, media frenzies scare me. I’ve seen too much on Rogan or other sources to see the sheer ferocity of angry keyboard warriors. It also freaks me out because at heart I’m pretty needy, if someone doesn’t react well to an interaction, I’ll lose a little part of myself. It’s pretty worrying and bad to have your emotions dictated by outside sources so I’ve been trying to focus on that one lately.
A self fulfilling prophecy is when you conceive an idea and it comes into fruition in the near future. Well I suppose fears 2 and 3 were realised today and dispelled. Apparently yesterday’s blog post didn’t go down incredibly, I’m not going to go into it on my blog at risk of sounding like a butthurt child, conversely saying that makes me sound like a fat, entitled, fourty-something, with short hair, asking to see the store manager.
Glasses get taken off in English, I suppose punishment, strange because the girl who takes it away is neither involved nor necessary. Oh well, it seems to placate the mob, I let it happen, it’s English I’m not doing incredible amounts of work anyway. I spend just about the next hour staring aimlessly at blobby things, I talk to neb and play with my watch, then I get the glasses back at the cost of my new Pilot G1. Fear 2 has been taken away, I totally survive just fine, okay I don’t, but I totally didn’t die.
Fear 3 comes in the form of loving adoration by fans of the blog, well I get slated for being a snake (totally unfounded..heh) this one is a little unexpected. I thought I would crumble at this social pressure, I don’t really, a few jokes and dismissals and I’m clear. Maybe it isn’t so hard, or that the seething mob is just a few mis-informed characters. The scary dragon is just a little salamander. (what an image) Fear 3 is conquered
Fear 1 is fine, I feel brighter, I can access more memories and remember more. I can almost start quoting suits, which either indicative that my brain is getting stronger or I’m watching too much suits.
So in the words of this annoying child on Instagram that I had the displeasure of looking at: “Do something that scares you every day” turns out my fears are a little more unfounded than I thought. Which is quite scary, because that means I probably have more fears that I haven’t looked into yet, oh the joy of life.