Infirm of Purpose

“So what do you want to do when you’re older?”

A question I got asked by a friend yesterday (also shout out to my friend, I suppose he’s finally got his feature in my blog now. I never know how to answer these questions. I confess I don’t know what to do with my life after school.

I’m at this age where I’m constantly being asked what my plans are for university and beyond, family, friends and other people I don’t really know keep asking about it. I just try and dodge the question and then run away as soon as possible because I’m totally clueless.

It’s a symptom of a larger problem I have, I’m purposeless in life. I get it, at 15 I don’t really expect to have this larger goal in life, but I feel like I need something, something bigger than me to focus on. I think I’m looking for a magic bullet, maybe if I find a purpose then all my problems will be cured, probably not.

I feel like I have got something I want to do in the future, perhaps in university. I know I want to be successful, to crush whatever I do. I just don’t quite know what that is.

It might be medicine, it’s the obvious parent-approved choice, it’s a fallback with a lovely stable income and job security. The problem is I probably loathe medicine. I couldn’t deal with years of study in University, futile toil as a junior doctor and then emerging into this world of averageness and uncompetitiveness. Plus I can’t deal with most of the population, which sounds terribly snobby, but I hate the general public.

Perhaps psychology, see how the world ticks. Or I could go back to that elusive subject of Evolutionary psychology, where all our actions stem from. This one seems pretty plausible, I like the idea and I’ve learnt a little on the subject, plus it’s a new, competitive industry to work in, that’s what I want.

Or perhaps I’ll just forgo university, learn some online courses and spend the rest of my time and money travelling, meeting people and gaining experience.

I’m not sure, I’ve an interview in the coming weeks with this woman about thinking about my future, perhaps it’ll all become clear then.


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