I do have an actual post today about doing things once and then a lot but first a little- eh extract I suppose from the day.
I had long thought I had conquered anxiety, that new Kevin was oblivious to the feelings that came up from being scared or anxious. Yet I had Mandarin speaking today, and whilst I wouldn’t say I had an anxiety attack I still got flustered. Half way in I forget my subjects, I stutter and splutter for a good few seconds and whilst I do recover I’m shaken by the experience and I leave the room rattled. Turns out I haven’t become the emotionless automaton yet, shame I was really looking forward to living life without fear.
Anyway to the actual post, it seems that once I do something once I’ll just do it over and over again.
Two Fridays ago I miss my erg, I then miss it again twice in a row (I do manage to get it in later but after a lot of complaining). Last week I ask to leave class early because I had to pick up something from a teacher, it was true. But what surprised me was that no one decided to check whether or not my request was true. I try it out the next week saying I have to leave Mandarin early because I have to get results from some test I did (there was no test). I skipped the last half of econ for a Mandarin speaking test that wasn’t starting for half an hour. There seems to be a certain rush from avoiding the rules, plus right now classes are just stupid boring.
So here it is. My confession to the world.