Reunited with ma girl sofsan today, we took a hiatus because I didn’t think she was hot but she just posted a bomb selfie so I had to hit her up again (I’m kidding guys, I would never do that – she hit me up).
Now I’ve finished that obligatory introduction here’s the actual post designed to bore your socks off and posit intellectual crap no one cares about (a little bit of self deprecation is always good).
Give us a few hours I don’t actually have anything to write about right now.
Ah fuck it I’ll try. I went back to school today, I met people I haven’t seen in a while (two whole weeks) and just kicked it. There were some interactions that left me a little pensive, everything seems to be coming from a different place, a different energy that just emerges as if plucked from the aether. Then again there are the conversations that leave me drained and metaphorically gasping for air, whatever luck of the draw.
Maybe today will be about calibration, adjusting to your situation because evolution ain’t about who the strongest, it’s about who’s the best adapted.
I see it kinda like one of those mix decks with a bunch of those sliders. One might be labeled “dickness” or “niceness” and you slide them for different degrees of them. For each person you have to adjust them a little for the optimum settings. For people you know better there are presets that can be automatically assumed and for others it must be puzzled out by watching inflections in tone or watching for little nuances in conversation that indicate a little more of this or a little less of this.
Maybe this shows how I’ve changed, my whole attitude to this a few months ago was being unapologetically me and not care what people thought, currently I’ve switched to the other side of the spectrum. Not saying that this way is better, perhaps in a few months I’ll revert or more likely I’ll find a nice place in the middle on which to inhabit.
I’m gonna add this bit in because I like this little vein of thinking and my internets not working so I’ll have to do something else. I’m mulling over something someone said to me today, a little insult, trivial in nature and said in a moment of weakness. In my rational mind I can pick it apart, realise it’s roots and the fact it’s inert but it keeps coming back. Perhaps I would’ve thought to just shut it out and think about it, the problem is (as anyone who’s ever tried to meditate) trying to force things out never works. So it just keeps coming around every now and then, maybe it’s a sign of weakness but I like to think that its good that I consider these criticisms, I don’t really seem to be taking it personally, more just pondering what was said and whether or not it actually relates to me.
I had a talk with my friend about how we had all become more emotional and susceptible to insults but I think in my case it’s more a case of me mulling it over to much that I diagnose as sadness and emotion. Or I’m just afraid to admit I feel emotional sometimes – doubt it.