Pagan Pigeon Master

Firstly I’d like to dedicate this one to Finn, one of my niggas who’s been here with me since the day one. Sorry if I’ve become distant recently and not given you the stuff you deserve but if there was a burning boat party you’d be the first person I’d save πŸ’—πŸ’—

Anyway for my first proper day as a 16 year old, I’m not counting yesterday because I was barely awake for most of it and I spent most of the day with the biggest pagan I’ve ever met (pagan is the new insult having usurped pleb from my position of favourite non-antisocialjustice insult, until of course I meet a real pagan or the pagan rights club attacks my blog)

Honestly it felt the same, nothing out of the ordinary happened apart from the fact I have now become lord of the pigeons. There’s this little park just beside my bus stop and because I can’t really be bothered going home and revising I convince a friend to come hang for a bit. At first we just talk and some pigeons mill around, then I decide to try communicate with them making strange sounds and clicks. Now I’d read an article yonks ago about how to hypnotise a bird, I decide to try it out on a pigeon.

Honestly I don’t remember anything about how to hypnotise a bloody chicken but I try anyway. By some miracle of faith I manage to get a pigeon to start following my finger and going wherever I point, it waddles around with my finger and followed my every command. I try getting closer and the little pagan nibbles my finger which is disgusting because pigeons are flying rats. Eventually I manage to get one to hop onto my knee and thankfully it doesn’t defecate on me.

So if I do end up failing my exams I’ll just retire and raise pigeons because I’ve become the avatar of pigeons. My spirit animal is a bloody flying rat.




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