Stifled. A lovely little word, it possesses all the nice parts of souffle and encapsulates it within something akin to strife and ends with muffled, a truly excellent word.
I think stifled is the natural state, to be subjected and placed under some weird obscure fog that doesn’t let you do what you want, okay I’m a little tired so this probably won’t make sense but isn’t that incredible how some things won’t make sense to someone but means the world to someone else.
I’m not sure what I mean by stifled and being brought up to be so but I think it’s the inability to express oneself, to be unable to do what you want to do or even think what you want to think.
I’m not too sure what it is that makes us do this, restrict ourselves from truly being what we are, maybe it’s society being a dick or we’re just afraid of being rejected or who knows what.
Now this has turned really weird and emotional. What I’m trying to say is doesn’t it sometimes feel like there’s this invisible hand that presses down on the soul and forces you into this little box unable to move outside of it. Perhaps its just my oppressive mind that won’t let me do anything or some weird thing I’ve made up just so I could write a blog post for today, either is just as likely honestly.
I’m almost a week into study leave (well more like half a week) and there’s a month left, I reckon in a few weeks I’ll burn out and be in a coma for the next few months, there’s something that just gets taken out of you after continuous exams and learning and yes I’m totally using all my first world privilege complaining about this but I suppose everyone needs a good complain every now and again because well because dunno it feels good.