1:00 – 2:00

I suppose what’s great about this is you see how I change throughout the day and my slow descent into madness. I foolishly decided to miss my reminder to start writing at 1 and it’s now 1:42 so that means 18 minutes to write one then move straight onto the next one.

I didn’t really know what to write about so I aimlessly glanced at my phone and opened snapchat, there I was met with rage and anger. I had been pied, pieing for all you people who don’t attend my high school and don’t live in scotland or don’t watch Geordie Shore is basically when you get ignored. For some reason it seems to give me physical pain.

To see that little arrow all whited out produces in me a reaction similar to being injected with some stupid vaccine, to think that my message wasn’t worthy of a reply thoroughly disgusts me and repulses me from social media for fear of further rejection.

I think one of the main reasons I left social media was because I was just so mad from being patched so many times, like a squabling child my anger made me just give up.

The origin of this? I’m not quite sure, perhaps it’s to do with child Kevin, child Kevin was an annoying twat who loved his phone so much and based his self worth over how often/how many people he texted. He was relentless, getting patched just meant he got to send more messages. Whereas now I’ll jokingly drop a “plz reply :-)” I would’ve actually sent one because I needed a reply – I use needed because I used to almost require them.

Then I kinda left the realm of texting after who knows what and didn’t really use it much and perhaps that’s where it stems from, perhaps I expected to be like the prodigal son returning and get a 100% reply rate or something.

I have 9 minutes so I’ll write a little more about my textual inaptitudes. I also don’t seem to be able to reply/sustain a conversation. I think I’ve somehow come to view texting as a sacred and only ever use it to organise meet ups instead of the casual banter it’s meant to be used for  – and when I do try to do that I think I get some anxiety about my messages not being good enough or perhaps a fear of being pied so I never open texts until 5 hours after I’ve received them and the conversation’s dead and I don’t feel as if I have to text back so in conclusion I’m the worst texter ever, yeah bye.

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