I’m a little convinced I have aspergers, weak as hell of course, not really in a self-hate way just because I have this compulsion to see how social interactions and people tick. One question that hit me was “why do people do things that they don’t plan on doing?”
After every weekend or longish holiday away from school I’ll decide to be more serious in interactions, stop taking the piss so much and take a more listening role in groups. As soon as I start the first conversation I’ll revert back to my old self loud and boisterous. Why do I go back against my best intentions? I think it might just be that I’m a creature of habit, perhaps I just revert to a safe form that has served me pretty well up until now.
I only just realised this now as I sat around thinking about all the people I hated and why I did, there’s some people who will just say one thing and do the exact opposite which aggravates me to no end because I don’t like this disparity between these two events but it turns out it’s a fallacy we all own. We just turn to whatever feels safest and what we’re used to despite all our best intentions.