Pain Bodies

Mum and Dad love cornering me at opportune moments (usually long car trips and meal times) about what I’ll do at university. For y’all kids I’ll give a little background, I’m 16 with two years left of high school before I need to go to university. I go to a pretty academically focused private school in Scotland and I’d say that I’m pretty academically gifted and university bait (blog-a-day, rower, national chess player, grade 8 piano and have done 2 international competitions (it was kinda a sham but people don’t need to know that) asian but not quite autistic) problem is I have no clue what I’ll ever do at university.

I’m someone who has a lot of different fleeting passions. For the best part of a year I was obsessed with nutrition science and health, moved onto agriculture. I love technology and mobile phones but the interest has faded pretty recently, I used to love sciences and currently read a fair bit about business and finance. I’d say mum and dad are pretty orthodox Asian so they want me to just choose something early on, learnt the university course before I even go and then beast mode it. Having been raised in communist test-centric China I think they love the fixed answers, the definites but I’m a little ambiguous right now, I have no idea what to do because I love everything.

I’m thinking about studying biology or nature or something like that and then seeing how these ideas and millions of years of iteration (evolution) can improve what we do in the world now, how biological systems can show us how we can run society.

Anyway that’s all some self-righteous rubbish, what I’m really talking about is pain bodies. Eckhart Tolle talks about them a lot but since I’ve never read Eckhart I’ve just assumed what they are, I think it’s when someone says a ‘trigger’ word or you see something and your body just jumps onto the defensive. You instantly freeze up and become paranoid, jumping to conclusions and becoming agitated. Whenever the topics of university and life come into play I’ll just freak out and try to run away in fear.

I’m not sure why I feel this way, perhaps I’m so terrified of the idea and it’s my body’s attempt to run away from it or perhaps I got beaten up in front of a university syllabus once and now associate university with getting my ass beat.



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