Death and Rebirth


SOTD: Say My Name – ODEZSA (Luke Christopher Remix)

The last section of Deida’s book seems to have a focus on death of ego and fear.

“The essential masculine fear is loss of self – which is also the essential masculine desire.”

He says that most men are willing to lose ourselves in controlled manners such as playing sports, watching a movie or absorbed in a book. We detach from ourselves to a point where we lose a sense of self, instead becoming one with “The boundless One” who we are at our core.

We also fear losing our sense of self in uncontrolled ways, the loss of ego terrifies us. To melt into someone else, or to dissolve your boundaries with love and openess to achieve freedom is what terrifies us. Society has ingrained in us an idea that it is uncouth and not suitable to lose ourselves in some processes causing us to lose our “spiritual guts” and only after reclaiming these can we “develop the courage to let go of yourself in the face of ego-death”.

So real life friends found out about my results day blog post, honestly, I’m a bit sad it took them a week or so to get round to it, I had hoped my blog would rank a little higher in their search histories. Anyway, it was met with animosity to say the least, apparently it’s not too cool to tout your merits on your online blog.

Honestly before it probably would have triggered an ego meltdown and I would’ve left the internet for weeks but I’ve become a wiser man, I’m 16andsomething now kids.

Redbeard talks about people needing a good roasting, Kanye being commander in chief of being made fun of, he says that it happens because people can feel that they need it. They have a sense that Kanye just takes himself a little too seriously and needs to laugh a little at himself. They’re doing it for him, not to be mean but because Kanye needs us to laugh at him sometimes.

Deida (my new prophet) discusses this in chapter 10, begins it with:

“A man’s capacity to receive another man’s direct criticism is a measure of his capacity to receive masculine energy. If he doesn’t have a good relationship to masculine energy (e.g. his father), then he will act like a woman and be hurt or defensive rather than make use of other men’s criticism.”

and that pretty much sums up what I think I should do with this. I’m not gonna lie and say that my dad radiates masculine energy so perhaps that’s part of where it stems from. Anyway, I was being a dick about things and have to realise I need to laugh at myself when things don’t matter.

Heading back into the real world now after months of sitting in a cocoon and perhaps they could feel I needed a bit of a roast in order to regain some sense of normality having been living as if I were immortal and infallible.

Perhaps I’m just butthurt from being destroyed by those keyboard warriors and this is me trying to rationalise it but nah I think it’s good old 16andsomething coming into fruition (totally gonna copyright that/ make that page sometime soon)

I finally met Neb yesterday, Neb likes photography. We went to a museum. Neb makes us go onto the roof to take photos. I have become overzealous in my life after reading too many weird esoteric books and not getting roasted enough and decided to climb onto the corner of the roof for some major photos. The roof was slippy and my shoes have approximately 0% grip. I was terrified. Deida says:

“Fearlessness, or the capacity to transcend the fear of death for the sake of love, is a quintessential form of the ultimate masculine gift”

So yeah, from my love for Neb and his instagram I transcended fear for a brief moment and felt elation beyond anything from letting go of my mortal fears.

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