Silence Screams

sotd: don’t say goodnight – hot chella rae (on a kick of these stupidly white songs)

Title seems a little morbid and yeah I’m not talking about morbid stuff just the strange day I’ve had. Today’s the mid-autumn festival for those who follow/care about/still use the lunar calendar and I’m not actually sure what’s fun about it apart from the fact it signifies this year’s nearly over and that’s stunningly depressing.

The day started off abnormally, I woke up at 7 (as opposed to my usual time of 7:30 coming out of a coma to get in my half hour of violin in this morning as I thought I’d be busy this afternoon. Do my pressups but do the last few on my knees because yeah weakling, get up, pretend to eat (haven’t told parents about the fasting/ eating disorder) then get into my violin. (figuratively not literally). A few hours into school I feel my left nipple getting strangely hot. My phone is seriously burning up. I turn it off and continue on with my day.Lunch time I check it, of course no one has texted me because social media hermit but the thing is on 8% battery. In 4 hours of non usage it’s dropped 90% so yeah my month old phone is already tripping up.

Now I hope for my own health my english teacher never finds my blog. For some reason the woman keeps staring at me and my friend whom I sit beside. Not like an occasional glance when you’re checking someone out but like her gaze seems to constantly fall on us. Whilst watching a film in class today she just fixated on us instead of the bloody film, it’s unnerving. Everytime I muck about I feel her eyes boring into me but oddly enough she doesn’t really act on it, I don’t think she registers what she sees when she stares at us. I opened up a holepunch, my friend asks to smell it, after passing it to her she proceeds to blow all of the punched bits all across the desk and floor and ourselves, I turn around and my teacher’s just sitting there smiling at us blankly, it’s stupid disconcerting.

Having been kicked out of the rowing team I’ve returned like the abused girlfriend trying to sneak myself back into it, starting off with recreational rowing. Except I got refused today, after two years of spending countless sessions on a bloody canal I got told I wouldn’t be allowed to do it without a form from my mother confirming that I could adequetely swim 50 metres, I was pretty much seething and distraught at the news but I suppose silver lining I get more time to do my homework and blog and relax and watch justin.

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