Sotd: really should put down famous by kanye because for some reason when I bounded down the stairs excitedly at 6am and went to grab my phone to check out the travesty that is the new pixel phones and there was music coming out of the corner of the room. Turns out my phone was playing famous so either it had been playing all night or I had accidently turned on the music this morning using my pebble whilst frantically trying to turn off my watch. But anyway ghost – banners will have to do.
“hypotheticals are not admissable in a court of law” which is a total butchering of a quote I heard a few months ago and I remember it every now and then for some reason even though I still can’t remember why maths equations work or what I need to do when I get home today. Anyway I think it rings true even though hypotheticals are admissable in a court of law because you can get done for conspiracy to commit crimes so yeah. We have this family friend who I’ve known since I was literally prenatal, he’s applied to university and yeah got into some pretty good ones but didn’t get what he wanted so decided to do a gap year where he’s going to do all these incredible placements and work. University applications are meant to be sent a few weeks from today from now and he’s done nothing concrete in the last few months. Sure he’s organised things to do in this year, a lot of thinking but nothing concrete. All he’s done is plan and think with intent.
When it comes down to it all that really matters is what you do. Who really cares that you’re a good person at heart if you’ve never done a good deed, if you’re immensely smart but never proved it. No one else can and in a few years you won’t even remember yourself, only by solidifying them into actual actions do they gain permanence.
Also its pretty easy to forget what you have actually done. I can’t remember half of the things I’ve ever done well or badly in but I sure as hell remember them better than the feelings I had or what I thought of myself as a person. Actually that’s totally untrue, I think I remember strong emotions more, the trauma still keeps me awake at night (nah jk Radio 4 keeps me up at night) but anyway gotta do work in the next hour before volunteering, smell ya later.