Sleep and Sour

Sotd: myself – nav. I would’ve put the new khalid song but honestly it’s not as incredible as his old songs. Like with russ I don’t really like the discography that came after I found them out. But I found this guy last night because I finally clicked on one of those recommended videos on YouTube and honestly it was pretty good. 

I’m going to do some chemistry homework now. Actually I’m not because I forgot to bring my chemistry book. I’m going to finish this up now. 

For the last year or so I’ve been listening to the radio every night before bed. I’ll jump in bed around 10pm and just start listening around the news at was lovely and entertaining and I’d fall asleep to the dulcet tones of Rutha Lashar or whatever she was called. There was a few reasons I did it. The main one I’ve addressed before was that as a kid before I fell asleep, occassionally I would think about my own mortality or the end of the world or my parents dying and it was always a little overwhelming and I’d run to my parents to get a hug and yeah it was distressing. It kinda stopped as I grew up, I didn’t run downstairs crying but it would sometimes hit me so I resorted to distracting myself every night to protect me from those freaky ideas. 

A few months ago I decided I should stop doing it. I was concerned firstly for myself, I wasn’t spending any time going over how my day was or just discussing my life with myself. I remember one night at camp before I went to bed I thought about how my day was and how to improve my next day, the day after was one of the best days of my life. this was just a continuation of this hope. I don’t think I’m going to get those depressing thoughts or at least now if they develop I’ve garnered enough willpower to just quash them. 

Plus I’m out of earphones. I’m not sure how many I’ve destroyed by now but my current pair only work in the right ear and I can’t really bear breaking a new pair when they come. 

When I got back from holiday I didn’t bother finding my iPod and went to bed alone for once. It’s a little boring if I’m honest and genuinely I think I’m almost beginning to dread bedtime because of the amount of mental energy it takes. 

But I’m liking it. I’m thinking more, I go over my day and how I did. I do gratefulness things and a few mental exercise things and honestly just laugh a bit at myself and its quite fun actually. 

It’s one of those things I could easily lose. Listening to the radio is much easier so I’m just hoping I’ve lost my iPod and I’m going to be forced to talk to myself every night. 

We spend a lot of time distracting ourselves from ourselves and this time is used to rediscover myself – if a little at the sacrifice of sleep. 


2 thoughts on “Sleep and Sour

  1. wow i did the same thing when i was younger and id go to my parents and cry bc like… i was becoming aware of my own mortality and this was like when i was 7. i listen to podcasts to help me get to sleep but tbh like……… i still just think about dying and everything and it scares the shit out of me but at this point i just say to myself ‘u know what happens when you think like this so just dont do it’ and i stop myself. also if ur earphones are breaking when u sleep on them u should get urbanears. ive been sleeping on top of them for like 2 years and theyve never broken or anything + theyre super good quality


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s