My Childhood

Sotd: gorgeous – x ambassadors.

So today I met a man who I haven’t seen in 6 or so years. Blair something or other who I haven’t seen since I left my primary school. I don’t really have much of a memory of him except he’s ginger and this little excerpt where we were chatting about brussel sprouts. Now we were 9 or so and we absolutely despised brussel sprouts and girls – I don’t mind brussel sprouts that much anymore but am still terrified of girls. Anyway he was chatting about how if you boil a brussel sprout it gets kinda sweet and lovely and then with a bit of black pudding all fried up it’s delicious and for some reason I still remember that little anecdote and that’s honestly one of the only things I remember from primary school.

I think I liked primary school, I remember I really liked after school club. There’s another pretty poignant moment from back in the day. There was this thing in my school playground called the ampitheatre, which is literally just a small ampitheatre that is only open on one side. To the side of it is this tree with a big ass stone ring around it. One of our genius helpers decided on this game to get this massive foldy frisbee thing from one to the other by passing it to each other, kinda like handball but easy as hell to intercept and harder to throw. Now the woman running this was literally like a second mother to me, I bloody loved her, she was fantastic and really let us kids let out our talents. She let my friend draw a huge mural of the forth road bridge on the wall and now he’s doing engineering at cambridge and she used to do little science projects with us and once she brought in her old bra strap as some elastic thing and that’s something else I remember quite well.

So we’re playing this game and I’m starting off on the tree-ring thing, then I think to myself “what if I could just throw it straight into the amphitheatre?” it’s technically possible but the disc would have to go through a pretty big ass arc but anyway I ask Lisa. Her reply is that if I did it she would buy me a box of chocolates.

I actually remember the whole thing pretty vividly. I’d seen somewhere else that if you lick your finger and stick it in the air you can tell the wind direction so I do that, pretend to do some calculations and get ready to throw. The weird cloth frisbee thing curves beautifully through the air and over the heads of mesmerised midgets before finally settling in the inside of the amphitheatre. The crowd goes wild. I turn around triumphantly and tell Lisa I’ve done it.

I’m met with a “meh didn’t see it” and despite everyone’s insistence, she doesn’t believe. I’m all like “fuck this bitch I want my chocolate” but na I was like 8 so I was more like “oh fine I’ll do it again” stick my finger in my mouth, find out the wind speed, make some mad sums whilst everyone looks at me strange and nail the shot again.

Lisa agrees to honor her deal and I’m grinning so hard it hurts. Then mum comes to pick me up and tells Lisa to not bother paying up and I get in a huff with her and try to not like her for a week but since I’m a little kid she’s back in my good books as soon as we get home.

I suppose there’s a little insight into my childhood.

Anyway cold showers are going well, I’m struggling less to get in, just accepting my horrid fate for what it is.


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