Breakfast Club

sotd: the good in me – jon bellion. Not sure if I mentioned yesterday but as I sat in starbucks listening to my boy bellion, I hear a familiar tune being played out the speakers. I pull out an earphone to investigate the sound and it’s bloody jon bellion. Boy is blowing up so hard he’s in starbucks in edinburgh haha, so yeah I sat there grinning for a good while about that.

I lost one of my earphone cup things yesterday at the party and I’m devastated because I’ve had to cannabalise another pair for their tips and they don’t really fit very well and I keep losing the tip.

So I went out yesterday for the second time this academic year, it was fun I suppose, I had a good time but I kept having this thought. “Would I be having more fun at home right now?” I would say I spend most of my life having fun, I deep belly laugh a lot and just have these little inside jokes with myself and genuinely have a good time most of the time.

One thing I realised last night is quite a lot of people are literally incapable of being happy or just out of their heads on their own. We’re all still 16 so we’re awkward as shit and alcohol is a substitute for social skills. So there’s two types of kids at a party in my opinion. The kid who aren’t drinking and look bloody miserable watching everyone else seeming to have a good time and feebly trying to dance to the music and attempt to get out of their heads, they just sit around and mope. For some reason these people still go to just about every party – still don’t get why because they look like they hate it all the time.

Then there’s also the drunk kids who have a pretty good time, the alcohol coursing through their veins seems to get themselves out of their heads and everything seems exaggerated and almost fake. There’s this thing that Redbeard says about how people are literally so emotionally stifled that they literally need to poison themselves to have a good time.

Me, I just wander around laughing because everything is just absurd and spent a couple of hours trying to get out of my head. It was weird, I was doing fine I just couldn’t shake off this weird feeling I caught. I turned up late and was pretty pumped on the walk over, bellion blaring and just feeling it. When I rounded the corner onto the street I’m not sure what happened but I literally lost it, I’m not sure what “it” is but it just evaporated and I’m pretty sure I spent the rest of the night trying to find it.

I spent an unhealthy amount of time talking to the host’s mum and sitting alone in their music room playing the piano and I dunno what that means but I liked doing that stuff, I didn’t feel like I was missing out on much – just doing my own thing and having fun.

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