Unhealthy Addictions

Sotd: dat stick – rich chigga. I think I’ve heard of the guy for aong time just never knew he had songs, or maybe that was timothy delghatto but whatever beat goes hard, young chigga goes harder. 

Emotions are addictive. That was something I’d heard a lot but never really thought about. We had a class on suicide which is pretty heavy for last period on a Friday when everyone’s buzzing for the weekend and or half dead from the last week of school. Not sure why I’m half dead, might be the terrible sleep and it probably is that. 

The ted talk we watched had this guy talking about people committing suicide and how they can’t think of anything else but he depressed – that’s probably a gross underestimation. Either way a state of mind has just become the norm for them and they can’t bear to change it. The same I think happens for everyone, some people choose to be depressed, others oppressed and some become winners. 

I’ve realized that recently I’ve become a complainer, it’s just what I’ve started doing. I think I’ve lot a lost of self belief I had because I’ve decided to rely on this crutch of lamenting instead of actually doing things and finding solutions. 

Our school recently told us about this opportunity to go to sydney for a summer camp for 2 weeks. It’s pretty damn cool and would be awesome to go. We first heard about this on Thursday, people were saying it was already closed to applicants and it was randomly chosen. By the way there are only two spots from our school to enter the regional selection stage

I spent a fair bit of Thursday cursing my school for doing this. Of course I knew applications hadn’t closed, only half the year had been told about it. 

Then today I signed up and my teacher kept saying it was “randomly selected” and I spent another half hours cursing this idiotic idea when I’d already been told it wasn’t random, why would it be? Surely they wouldn’t be dumb enough to randomly select someone to compete academically? Surely our sage teachers wouldn’t for the sake of equality screw everyone over. Right? 

I don’t know but I’ll find out in an hour or so to see what’s happened. I have this horrible sinking feeling. 

Back on the topic of being mad all the time I have this irrational hate for my physics teacher. After we got our physics papers back from our mock exams the day after she decides to change the marking scheme for only my paper and no one else’s and that infuriated me to no end, I still got a pretty good score and there’s no real reason to complain but I’ve still been fixated on it. 

So yeah. I’m addicted by being mad, hopefully I’ll find a way to shift my addiction to being happy or something more productive but who knows what’ll happen. 

Gonna just have a small freak out before violin starts to let out all this angst

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