Sotd: manifest – russ.
Day two of london, lowkey dead as hell. My bunk mate is a fucking retard and literally stayed up until 3 staring at a blank computer screen with all the lights in the hotel room on.
So on 4 hours of sleep I thought it would be fun to actually fast today so breakfast was an americano and a cup of bone broth.
Last night my friends mum invited some other friend who had a daughter that studied econ at Cambridge and that was actually quite illuminating getting to chat to someone who had been through it all and her recommendations. I have had opportunities like this before but I’ve never really engaged in them because I genuinely think it’s because I’d have to have my parents grilling every single utterance and facial expression as a way to divine what I’ll do with my life.
Then today we had the day course about investment banking and what that actually entails. I think one thing I’m good at at these things is just being memorable and participating. There were like 200 people there and only about a dozen of us actually piped up to ask questions.
One thing that got to me is how next level some people are. This one kid was 17 and genuinely a god, relating bunches of principles, had godly general knowledge of stats and everything and yeah it was kinda awe inspiring. I think it is humbly to just see so many other kids out there killing the game.
My friend who I came with isn’t exactly the smartest cookie nor emotionally stable and has always wanted to be an investment banker (primarily because of that season in suits where mike Ross becomes one) just seems destroyed by the whole trip. After dinner him and his mother had a heart to heart about having realistic expectations and it was heartbreaking.
There was a part about interview preparation where they talked about ” tell me when you failed” and yeah that was china camp for me where I was sorely under prepared and honestly contemplated suicide because I felt so inadequate. I would be loathe to say that after that experience I swore to never suck at anything again but maybe something to that effect. It’s horrible to have this notion that you aren’t good enough for anything and I think that might actually be the reason why I do what I do.
Now aside from that blatant ego masturbation it was actually quite good and I finally actually enjoyed London for once which is a terrifying concept, I had thought it this city of posers and way too big but actually I did find it quite nice.
Investment banking, for me? Maybe as a starting point. It has skills that are transferrable to almost anything but it does still have some of the tropes of the other professions like soaked in dogma, theory and this weird elitism thing but I dunno maybe I’ll keep at it.
Still got another blog post to write then I reckon I’ll conk out and die tomorrow at school from sleep deprivation and depression.