Sotd: the toblerone theme song – I’m sure they don’t have one but either way I thought I would put it in for some reason. 

First things first, didn’t get into the bank of England programme, pretty annoyed because it could’ve been awesome but honestly it’s a learning experience and shows that I still have way further to go until I get there. 

Here’s the story of my teacher. Honestly I would call her an anarchist, took every chance to repel the establishment and fight the power that are the exam boards. Said lady is now retired but it recently came out that she was the principal assessor for the subject. 

What does this mean on reflection? She played one of the greatest long cons ever. There’s so many things that we’ve thought about that she said that in reflection that are just hilarious. Just to say the head assessor is the person who oversees like what’s in the course and what’s in the exam of course they’re not really meant to divulge it or anything and she didn’t because honestly we had absolutely no clue. 

She had an intense loathing for the exam boards for the way they structured the course, or rather she seemed to be mad at her own ability to set the course. Frequently she would say she was sending letters about why things weren’t in the syllabus or why they were. These letters were sent to herself. 

After our final exams she asked us to bring her an exam paper. Strange as it turns out she wrote it. 

So this is in congratulations to my teacher who ran the biggest dual life con ever and might’ve even beaten Batman in that respect because Bruce Wayne never actually sent a letter to batman. 


Life on Fire

sotd: pre-occupied – jon bellion. Starts kinda whack but gets fire in the last few lines.

I don’t think one of the best days of recent memory would’ve come from one of the most annoying to most people. For a start I woke up at 6:30 to fit in an hour or so of violin before school because I was working until 8 tonight (just got off).

I realised how good I felt as I walked into school, it was kinda weird but I was just kinda more lively and energetic and more in my body. It is a kinda weird thing, I feel like I’ve been on an upward spiral recently (the only thing that really correlates to this is more music and waking up an hour earlier every night so who knows, next big fad?) and things have just been awesome, best interactions of my life and things are just popping. I think it is something that other people can sense, or perhaps my teachers were just being extra snarky today but I felt like they tried shutting me down a few times.

So yeah that’s me being happy and all. One topic that got brought up a few times a day is how I cope with everything, well I don’t cope. Or well it doesn’t feel like coping. Like sure I don’t have much time to do everything but I set it out all nice and do what I’m supposed to and everything wraps itself in  a little bow at the end of it all.

I think I am lucky in that respect, I’ve built up a personality that is happy doing pretty much anything. I get the same pleasure from going to Carphone that going out. Listening to music and doing homework is about the same as watching a youtube video so yeah I think that’s my talent, I’ve made myself enjoy the mundane things.

So yeah, that’s a little salute to the grind and doing everything you can, makes life more enjoyable.

(I’ve done a fair bit of intermittent fasting as well due to the early mornings meaning I can pretend to have had breakfast so perhaps that’s the real secret to happiness?)

Guala Guala

sotd: weekend; louis the child – some white girl one of those white girl bangers that they play and all the white girls make that funny sound and scream in happiness that they can relate to some other privileged white girl from another part of the world.

Had an awful falafel today that was just not what I needed, it was an excellent falafel in fairness but I really shoudl’ve gotten a chicken shwarma but for some reason I was convinced that the fake chickpea meat substitute was going to please me but boy it did not.

Today’s post is the confusion that is my life or rather my future. Well honestly its just about life after school. My goal is to study natural sciences at cambridge I think, I enjoy sciences and really like things like that and I think the courses are good (plus it also lets me sneakily do anthropology without my parents having to disown me in the process). But I don’t think it’s what I’ll do with my life, not enough fun in the world of sciences right now, the way I’m headed I’ll probably be one of those stuffy corporate raiders and honestly I’m fine with that for a few years. So basically this is me complaining about getting banking work experience when I won’t study banking first which is very sad and a very high quality problem to have but I also have things to do like watch vainlgory, cry at the travesty that is my revision and violin and mope a lot and hopefully crush out some work. Also understand why I never feel truly hydrated right now, like part of my mouth is just constantly parched and its very sad.


Going Where I’m Going

sotd- these days – mike stud.

Yesterday as we sat on the front porch of the shop basking in the glow of the sun my boss drops a few lines on me. One that he’s the best manager in the region and should be recognised as such (nice to adults also still like gloating) but the other one was pretty funny and maybe potentially useful.

“it doesn’t matter what you’re doing, just what they think you’re doing.”

Before I start my post I’d like to add I fucking paid a customer a fiver yesterday out of my own bank account so she would have enough money to buy a phone, that’s dedication / me being petty trying to outsell my other colleagues.

What the big bossman was talking about was these shitty performance metrics we have, not like real metrics but stuff like pressing a button that shows our competitors deals, press the map button to show the coverage, collect all customer data and shite like that. Turns out no one does it they just press the buttons afterwards and input the weirdest shite when it comes to email address and phone number.

The point of this isn’t  for all the budding carphoners in the world but to say that in this world currently rhetoric and saying you’re going to do shit is applauded more than actually getting out there and doing it. I mean how many instagram accounts are full of people saying they’re gonna do cool shit, start trying hard and then the comments are filled with people with the flex emoji because they want to hype the person up. Whilst the people actually doing it do it quietly in the background. Sure one is applauded but which one would you rather be? live a lie or live your life (gonna coin that one, it’s fuego)

I think what I need to realise is that it’s unlikely that you’re gonna have people on your team all the way and sometimes you just need to keep going in a predetermined direction.

I am a little pissed that last year when I was stuck in China I didn’t bother writing down my goals, like short term long term and decades from now. Maybe I would’ve been too pessimistic, maybe it would give me something huge to aim for but right now I think I’m in need of a definite long term goal because right now whenever I procrastinate there’s no real problem, I just change my goals. Instead I should be watching my chances of reaching my goals dissolve whenever I waste time, that would be the ideal situation.

Fnatic Nightmare

sotd: around your heart – witt lowry

Firstly to say I’m incredibly confused. Last night I spent my time trying to figure out why my computer seemed devastatingly broken, I just couldn’t seem to fix it and couldn’t close any of my tabs.

Turns out my mousepad had decided in the night to just swap the keys around and my mousepad buttons had swapped so neither did the intended job. I fixed it now, by switching to left handed mode, well I say  fixed it but I just tried again and it is not doing anything just taking a fuck load of time, it’s alright I have a touchscreen laptop so not the worst thing in the world.

Today work was a joy, had a chat with the bossman, sat outside the shop for a bit on some bollards chatting shit and enjoying the summer sun whilst laughing about how shit brexit is. Then I get to work, smash 3 sim onlys, do the best problem solving of my life and smash out a double sub and geek and two other subs and it was just fun.

I think that is what my “passion” is, solving problems. When I realised that instead of just repairing this womans phone I could get two subs and a  new geek squad and as I tried sorting out the finances so she actually saved money it was just really fun to do.

Lotta stuff to do this weekend but this was an incredible start and yeah looking forward to crushing it this week.

Knuckles Down

Sotd: romance – Benjamin baker. In a vain attempt to not fail my violin exam I’ve taken to listening to my pieces on repeat and hopefully this drags me back from the precipice of failure. 

I just pasted whatever I saved last on my phone and it was an incredibly phrase of “interviewer throughout the interview.”. Why this I have no idea and that’s all very amusing. 

I had a chat yesterday with some woman and I tried to explain why I had the blog. “to better myself everyday by analysing what I’ve done” seems like a nice little answer that perhaps is rather untrue in the current situation. I think in the part it was true, I did do a lot of productive stuff with it but eventually it just got thrown under a bus and occasionally lightning strikes and I do a decent post. 

So I think from now on I make it back to the old focus, improving a little bit every day because rough days are ahead and I’ll need everything I can get (very prophetic/edgy movie style there).

I did two interviews this week. One pretty big and the other one less so it seems but potentially could be very big. One was for a bank of England program to join them for a year and perhaps from there continue on. I realised I probably wasn’t actually eligible / it wouldn’t be a good idea for me as I would have no means of applying for university afterwards (though they do run their own in house one) but whatever is rather reject it then just give up. 

I’ve never been incredible at video interviews, I find them disconcerting to say the least and woefully tense. I think I did well-ish I got out what I wanted to say but it was kinda stilted and awkward. The other is for a paid internship at an accounting company that can lead to an year abroad with them. Honestly I had no real desire to do accounting but it could be fun. 

I think things to learn is that if you want something do everything you can to get it. I’m just not being inventive enough in trying to get these things and it just shows that I probably don’t want them enough right now and its annoying to see myself pass up on mad opportunities. So that’s my post for the week, why I hate regret.