Sunday Musings

Sotd: pop style – drake. 

I do realize this wasn’t written on a Sunday but it’s about Sundays so yeah.on my phone I’ve got this app called Todoist that tells me what to do everyday. Every Sunday I have this little thing that says “go over goals”. It’s one of those the secret things where you look at what you want and manifest it into the world. I think it’s very cool and I reckon I’m doing pretty well in all areas but wealth. 

Except today. Today was the physics olympiad which is like a physics exam on steroids. It’s designed so that only 7% of the people who sit it are able to get over 70% and most people are expected to fail. 

There’s two reasons why I kinda cared about this. Firstly I want to do something to do with physics in university so this would be good confirmation. Actually I lied there’s three reasons. Second is the fact that getting a gold award gets you a prize in our school, one of the aforementioned goals is to get 5 prizes and I think I’m on 4, doing well in this gets me the last one I need. Thirdly since I did well last year there’s this strange expectation. 

Just finished it and Jesus Christ. I’d done past papers and they were nothing like the real thing, that’s a total lie but I mean in terms of not being able to peek at the answers for reassurance or unlimited time. 

I fucked it I’m pretty sure. 

I think this has taught me 2 things. 

Firstly mindset is everything. I’ve always said that being in a good state of mind before an exam is literally the only key, I haven’t really believed it because I’d never really had an exam where I was off kilter. This one was different. I was angry, confused and tired today and there are things I knew that I just couldn’t bring to mind because I wasn’t in the right mind. 

Secondly I need to place less precedence on doing well on exams, sure it serves me now but in the future that won’t be the case and if I don’t cut those ties I’ll literally end up killing myself. 

Thirdly (sorry I lied) I need to look over those goals more, make them my guiding principles. I haven’t read them properly in a while and yeah perhaps that is a reason why I’m not doing everything I can to fulfill them so yeah that needs to change. 

Long ass rambly post today but it’s kinda cathartic so whatever bye. 

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