Death of a Dream

sotd: some zany pop melody because once you’ve been listening to witt lowry nonstop for a hours every day you come to get tired of a guy complaining about being poor and being dumped years ago. He’s got bars but sometimes it’s just a little too weird white guy get’s rejected gets famous just to shit on the girl who dumped him when he was 7.

I remember when preliminary examinations finished I said to my friend, thank god these are over any longer and I would have died. It’s probably gonna happen this time around. I’m on a week of Intermittent fasting right now and it’s going well I haven’t got childens or whatever that weird foot thing I had last time I did a sustained period of cold showers and everything’s going swimmingly. Apart from the fact I have like 1923 mouth ulcers. I’m sure one or two are down to the stress the others due to mental retardation. It’s soul sucking honestly. I did 4 papers in a few hours and then kinda lost it from there> I think my tally’s on 8 currently and I’m losing my mind. I have this pain in my elbow either from pullups or kettle bell swings done wrongly and I’m sure I’m going to develop scoliosis.

I want to almost feel like dying by the end of this, to have given it my all because you can’t have a redo – there’s no point looking to have fun during this time. But there is also a time for relaxation to balance it out. That’s something I need to remember, that relaxation is almost as important as studying right now for me – to not be this cortisol monster when I sit my exams. So goodbye to alarms I think, early bedtimes and natural wakeups, who cares if I miss a past papers because of it, frankly it’s all about mindset and being well rested and that’s something I haven’t focussed on much – just this rat race of people tryng to outcompete others instead of doing what I’ve always done and what’s always worked.

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