Puce Curses

Sotd: faded – alan walker for some reason this song keeps popping up so here it is. 

I felt fear today when I sat down with my physics paper. It’s a strange feeling to feel threatened by a piece of paper but yeah I felt I dunno inadequate is that the word? A sense of not having done enough and not being “worthy” of doing it. That I hadn’t done everything I could’ve. I’d done a lot compared to others but you can bullshit to others not to yourself so yeah just wasn’t really happy with that and so when I sat down I didn’t feel that winner effect where everything lays before you ready for you to crush it and that was unusual. 

I reckon that could’ve honestly sculptures me but habits win out. It’s something I’ve been thinking about lately, what I used to think about. The shit I’d planned out months and maybe years ago that is coming to fruition now, little seeds of habit and opportunity and things. The choice to work hard in the lower years so I could get into programs that guarantee future success or even just these little habits that have built up or even just attitudes to work and play so thanks for that old Kevin. 

I think I’ve two more in me so I’ll write those up now, physics went well despite it all I think I did enough, an uncertain enough but still enough. 

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