Getting Out Of Here

sotd: martin garrix sziget 2015. Apparently the best set of all time? who knows I don’t but carnage ultra 2016 was pretty bomb only because of that version of no type live which was bomb.

I wanted exams to be the death of me and goddamn am I dead already, realistically I have a week or so to go but in my mind as soon as biology is over I’m free. But biology, jesus christ. I made the choice to pick a course that literally has like 3 people taking it in the whole of scotland so its nat 5 econ again where there’s no online resources.

There is an inclination to just stop, I’ll be fine, sure I won’t do as well as possible but I won’t fail. I’ll go off the rails for 2 days revoke the gods of revision and then slide into the exam hall and do it. I could, and it is tempting but there’s this constant voice about 2 more days for the rest of your life, make this shit legendary and that’s how the rest will be.

I just saw a status from this overly frustrated asian friend who in all honesty just seems like a mess who posted “this talk about revision is just pissing me off, revision does nothing, a first class degree means nothing.” and yeah maybe not, maybe there’s billionaires who didn’t graduate and left to start a business. But you’re not Bill Gates, there’s no option to sit in a sinking ship and rationalise that other people have done the same thing and been fine. Sure maybe I do try and nothing comes out of it, but at least I tried, I did something proactive instead of wallowing away sitting around. This is what I meant by looking for happiness or not, maybe I would be more happy being critical on the park bench and doing things for the hell of it, but there’s always this jealous tinge, this deep seated anger that I never really went for it, I never really bothered trying and instead of admitting I convince myself that it’ll all pan out well. Deep-seated pessimism here but yeah just fucking do it because there’s no joy in not doing it and laughing at others, put the work in and be happy with just that because anything in this world is better than being apathetic (shoutout to the mans Fitzgerald)

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