Sotd: uber – cliff savage. Been humming this one a lot recently just because Justin escalonas is back with the fire docs well not really because he does that annoying narration thing now but the old gangs back together.
It’s all over. Exams are finished. Well not really I still have Chinese but the real struggle exams are over.
A few notes really.
I could’ve done more. I did a lot, a fair bit but not as much as I could’ve. I had way too many long nights of just sitting around on my phone. Too much just sitting around and not getting things done. I’d said earlier that I wanted to be dead by the end of these, to have given everything to get everything but I feel a little tied and lacking in brain glucose but not having lots a will to live or just supreme exhaustion. I’m yet to fully exert myself on something long term, something I’ll eventually need to do – to be able to put it all out there and need that recovery. Perhaps the route to that is physical exertion, jumping back on that ergo and pull a Sam loch or maybe just work who knows.
It’s all a mind game. As cliff savage succinctly states in his song “jogging in the beach gotta get my mind right” after a time there’s only so much preparation one can do, the last bit that completes and unlocks it all is the mindset. I went hard into the first few built it up well then didn’t bother for the last few. That’s where I got rattled and annoyed. Where the issues will rise from. Maybe it is a question of building up a bulletproof mindset or just being okay with not being in the right mindset and still killing it.
The need for socialising. Just that you work so much better and effectively when you’re not being an automaton and actually have human interaction, I thought it would be all not going out but it’s beneficial in doses.
Focussing on the process not the reward. Especially in the last exam I looked too much at the potential gains what could come to happen. Something that has been to the detriment of men much better than me. There is times for looking at the rewards but not just as you’re about to storm the castle. That’s the time for just planning and setting your mind on what will happen.
That’s all to say really, I’m gonna go home and eat and watch tv and not really think for a bit. It’s weird that I had all these plans for what to do afterwards, drown in grease etc but I dunno it just doesn’t seem that tempting right now, I kinda just want to lie down and stay there for a while