Dismantled Barbies

Sotd: keep it movin – russ. Back when he actually did bangers and knew what he did it for. 

So in the self existential crisis that has been this week I’ve been confronted with how to change my life (crush the spirit of procrastination in some man’s words), the idea that there’s really no point to any of your feelings and that you’re this momentary blip in everything and that I’ve been considering this thing all wrong. The way I’ve seen it really is either win or don’t compete – that’s the way I’ve seen things for the last few years. I either win or don’t do it at all (I’m sure that isn’t actually wholly true but whatever I think it’s pretty accurate). But faced with the dilemma of not being able to always win in future life I’ll have to be fine with medioraty because I definitely can’t just not compete (or just ensure you keep winning).

The bank was weird today, everyone was on training courses and literally no customers came in so I just in the office and read so I kinda under stand things now. This business magazine and Hararis Homo Dues have made me realize I should probably go down bioengineering or computing or perhaps building relationships because that’s the only thing the machines can’t do (Harari disagrees but there’s something to be said about the human touch – no matter how clumsy it is)

Anyway what I wanted to talk about was this girl asking me about school fees and why we did it. In all honesty on the outside it seems stupid – why pay an extra 10,000 a year on something extraneous when there are some pretty good free schools. It’s strange and stupid hard to justify when you’re spending a mortgage on something that’s already guarenteed- what do we get in return? Foot massages? Hand maidens? 

For some reason I’m definitely sure it’s a worthy investment – I wasn’t as sure a few years ago. I don’t think it’s some post partum justification just because it’s not me losing the money and I don’t really think much about my parents financial situation. 

I’ve spent something like 80,000 on education by the time I finish high school and I’m pretty damn sure it’ll reflect in my future wages – I’m sure that I’ll earn way more from the investment and it’ll pay off in like 3 years of work. 

Why? I’m not sure honestly. I picked up these studies from that bougie population thing I went to about the differences between class prospects. There was a bunch of factors like subject choice but I would’ve taken sciences anyway. What was more poignant was this little comment at the end about how kids from better schools usually just have better manners and are more polite and that contributes. 

It is something esoteric like that. Attitudes that are ingrained in you. I reckon our percentage of people going to university is something like 80% when the national average is something just over 40% and people are looking to study subjects that actually result in higher paying jobs. 

And then it’s just being able to do you, to focus on what you want to do and be free to do that. 

My phones about to die and I’ve read so much I’m about to puke so need to keep some for that muzak might return to this topic some time because it interests me. 

Also shit general election – in all honesty I’ve never really bothered with these things because frankly I doubt politicians when not in a dictatorship or one party system can actually get real change done.