Do No Wrong

sotd: fake denim – quinn xcii.

rather foolishly at camp they let the 16/17 year olds become leaders, that is we’re in charge of a bunch of kids for meals and general activities, so me and this girl get sat down with a bunch of 13 year olds and yeah get forced to look after them for a week.

It’s surprisingly rewarding being a camp parent (a phrase that for some reason no one else uses) it was weird just helping these kids and making sure they were alright all the time, if kids randomly disappeared during meal times checking up on them, making sure they were all fed and every now and then making them a bowl of cereal for dinner.

It was nice being altruistic, just giving them everything you could and not looking out for just yourself, there were times when I had all my cereal eaten before I could have a bowl, or when I ended up giving my cake to some kid at a neighbouring table – it didn’t feel like losing, but just felt good to give to others.

I remember thinking I was crazy when I was making nutella sandwiches originally for myself but then ended up just giving them all away and not having anything, but it was the choice to give it away that was the interesting part, that I chose to give it away.

Perhaps altruism is the true way, to give unconditionally, or perhaps I’m just justifying the fact that I got bitched around by some kids for a whole week.

Imsomnium

sot: me you – russ, beacause I slept on the album and the music video is seriously cool.

So yeah struan¬†post number 2, today’s about a funny little lesson I got taught by an overzealous irish man that was frankly brilliant.

You do get lovely characters at camp, everyone’s from a multitude of backgrounds with huge amounts of varying interests. What’s really cool though is that everyone is just really accepting and genuinely nice. Everyone cheers for the dungeons and dragons kids, the music kids get full props and people hold intellectual chats about communism and seizing means of production. It’s strange seeing a place where you’re able to just “do you” where you’re free to do what you like free of persecution and sniggers and yeah that’s just a brilliant little thing.

So back to that tease at the start, we were walking to lunch after some morning activities and this guy just starts going off. Going on in a nice way where he just talks about how we should all just be us and let no one stop us and it’s hard to do it justice but it was just crazy watching a guy who was just so happy with what he was doing and just how much he enjoyed volunteering and giving these kids an incredible week.

The moral of the story? Do you I suppose, do what you enjoy and not what people tell you you should like, does that mean I shouldn’t have my ambitions and just sit around where I am, perhaps, or perhaps just do it for myself not for anything else.

Summer Fun

Sotd: bout time – lil aaron, soy sauce.

So just got back from summer camp today and yeah thank God that’s given me a good few days worth of content to write about.

I fucking loved it all, but then again apparently I love everything because I seem to have a happy disposition, not sure if that’s out of insecurity or just natural.

So one little anecdote I’ll just quickly mention today.

We went to the swimming pool on Wednesday and I have this horrid fear of heights, I hate diving pools. So yeah my mini goal for the week was just doing flips off of tall things into water, I did it on Monday at the pools and ended up smacking my back but it was just nice.

With the whole fear thing there’s a lot sources that I keep saying that say life begins with the end of fear and all that and I do wholly believe that to be true.

So as I stood there at the start of the diving board (the 5 meter one, I’m not that much of a pussy that the one meter was scary and not suicidal enough to do a 10meter) and just kinda whispered to myself “this is for the rest of your life” and then ran off the diving board. Then got up and did it again just for good measure.

There’s nothing rational about being afraid of a little fall into water, just me being a little bitch. All it takes is just being able to tell yourself that your rational mind is correct and that fearful part wrong, take control of your actions for a second and do what you know you should do not what feels best in the moment – and that’s one of the lessons I learnt this year at camp. Will write more in the next few days because it was honestly fantastic and still raving about it.

Weak by Design

Sotd: something by imagine dragons

I’ve been reading this book by jared diamond which has actually been really good, I’d read one of his earlier books ages ago but honestly it had kinda bored me, it was all about why whites won and everyone else lost human history. The third chimpanzee was his first novel I reckon because the other two novels of his I’ve read have just been strange continuations of chapters that had already adequately described the topic but got made into a whole book for the cash grab. 

So one part which I found really interesting was his talk about addiction and why people do destructive behaviour. The whole rationale behind it is to show just how strong you were, that you could survive death by alcohol or drugs and show just how cool you were. 

I’m using this to justify my death at the hands of alcohol, last two times I’ve gone out I’ve been far worse than I’ve ever been. Maybe I’m emotionally ruined, maybe it’s maybelline but for some reason I’m doing too much when I would probably have just as much fun on a thimble. Perhaps its teenage inhibitions getting lost or trying to be social. 

Who knows, but little concerned that I will end up in a hospital because I keep forgetting that I’m Asian and by virtue of that can’t go nearly as hard as my white compatriots. 

Ligand Bands

Sotd: ultralife – oh wonder. Because it’s just so adorable. 

Durham open day, suitably impressed scared and confused all in one. 

Sorta off topic sorta on topic is this idea of Cambridge exams, the fact that being Scottish I will just have to learn the bloody English course during the summer is just kinda annoying but then I forget just how many weeks I have and I’m okay. 

I’ve kinda briefly considered not revising and going off my coattails but chatting today with some English students it’s quite scary some of the things that the SQA have deigend unimportant and just not bothered to teach us. So hopefully the boss man hasn’t got me too many shifts, on the topic of work which is the only real thing going for me right now bossman decided to pay me an extra 11hours last week (well I had worked them, but we had agreed I wasn’t to be paid as it was technically work experience) and took some heat off the bigger boss man all because he was so impressed with me destroying the rest of the store that week.

Honestly he’s the sweetest guy sometimes, after I destroyed my old store, rather graciously he sent me a text simply saying “what you did today, do that again when you’re back in store” which is honestly very sweet and yeah I appreciate that kinda shit. 

I’ve been thinking about this business thing that I got introduced to yesterday and I’ve got a kinda cracking idea which kinda draws together all those stupid little lectures I’ve been sneaking into, it’s getting exciting. 

Anyway about the whole Durham open day thing, had fun, I’m actually quite interested. But not really, for some reason this university thing seems a little underwhelming, true I still haven’t checked out the apex of it all so hopefully I’ll enjoy that. 

There’s this line of thought I’ve been having recently about how one should never realise their dreams because once attained they’ll never live up to the real thing and you’re disappointed better to keep chasing it and reap the rewards of that (aware I just totally ripped off Gatsby but fuck it) maybe it’ll all be boring and I’ll settle into the monotony of life but perhaps it gets extraordinary. Checking out a few gap year programmers and other things that could be sick. Though should probably be prescient to the fact that I should really start learning those damn English qualifications. 

Summer Memories

Sotd: summertime sadness – lana del ray because this is about throwbacks.

This time last year I was in china. By all accounts it was a great trip, I was in the midst of my self destruction for the sake of improving myself phase of my life and had undertaken a few practises such as reading the dokkodo – a set of 21 precepts written my miyamoto musahi thrice daily, and not using phones or the Internet in its entirety. I remember I would just lie in bed and think, I can’t really remember the topic of these thoughts, I would like to say they were the precursors of what transpired the next year and perhaps they were, I remember thinking that I’d had enough and needed to do something and when I did come back I had more fire in the belly. 

A little concerned that I haven’t done that this year, hitting the reset button. I will be able to kinda do that at struan, that’s where I had my initial epiphany one night when I said to myself something ridiculous like “today was good, but you can do so much better” and for some reason that must’ve had an effect because I still remember that day. 

I also kinda remember thinking that this is great because it’s a marker, where every year I can come and think about how much I can flex because of the last year and continuously work on that. 

This is a little run on now and I have more to write so gonna wrap this up for now but then again there is another post I have to bang out within the next hour. 

Wheely Binney

Sotd: nothing 2 lose. The man or his producer or whoever makes the beats and lays down the voice and sound mixing is an actual genius and should be way better recognized for their efforts. Also crazy to hear khalid and Quinn getting played in a kfc – ya boys blowing up. 

Let’s talk about regret. In the end you only remember the shit you didn’t do is some weird message I wish I actually took to heart. 

But today is about not doing what I should’ve and how that killed me. Fidget spinners are probably one of the biggest crazes in the last few years and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if almost everyone in a developed country has one by the end of the year. I saw it coming – I really did. Not in a weird funny like “oh I totally knew Facebook was gonna blow up” but like a I started a business selling them but then closed it down because it was too much “effort” back in December I saw a video and thought they were awesome – no one else really saw it and I remember people saying like ” oh so you can’t come out but you can sell spinning tops” and yeah made my online store and sold metal ones from china. Eventually I could’ve moved into plastics created branding and sold them. But I didn’t because it was a hassle and I didn’t want to invest any money in it. Yeah I made a couple of bucks but it could’ve been so much better. So that’s one of my regrets, seeing an opportunity taking it but not going far enough. Perhaps this is a lesson for me then – once you see an opportunity grab it with two hands and never let go.