Precluded Beliefs

Sotd: bloom – oliver. 

Preclude is a word I’d been using for way too long without any real indication of its true meaning. Turns out I had been using it in the correct context all the time but had kinda just been winging it and hoping it worked. 

In work today and dunno there’s not much to do, kinda chilling. I keep getting weird speeches in my head about me leaving carphone because it’s usefulness has run out for me. Maybe it has, i do still enjoy it and everything, I have fun but I dunno it’s weird I’m always convinced I’ll get so much stuff done at carphone like stacking these posts but I’ve done literally nothing today, well apart from doing this and kinda making more sense of my life. I’m kinda talking whilst writing so this is mainly unintelligent gobbledigook. 

Let’s talk about my weird bedtime practises – not like in a weird way but in a for some reason I feel drawn to sit on my phone continuously for hour’s until whenever I actually collapse from exhaustion despite my better wishes and knowledge that I need sleep and that I value good sleep over a few meaningless hours of youtube. 

I’m not sure why it is – a year or so ago I’d diagnosed it as a fear of talking to myself and judging myself for not doing enough and that’s why I would listen to the radio at night, then I went cold Turkey and had the best year ever – maybe there’s something to be said for shitting on myself every night. 

So yeah going to prise myself off this vice onto the slightly more agreeable radio and then wean myself into just talking to myself again before school starts again so hopefully that worjs, until then or until the end of this shift gonna be stacking those posts quicktime. 

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