ABW

Sotd: blue pill – Marc goone.

Abw stands for always be winning but I couldn’t really be bothered with that title because I’m sure I’ve done it before and acronyms make everything better.

Surprisingly chipper right now for someone who woke up at 4am for a flight. I’m currently on it right now, I’ve done some reading, smashed out a spreadsheet of calculations and yeah happy days. I was listening to this recent redbeard speech and shit really hit me in the feels.

The whole premise was that we’re fucking ourselves thinking that everything will work out for the better and its something I’m starting to see in myself. I haven’t lost in a while, not properly lost and by losing I mean after months of preparation falling flat on your face. I’ve fallen into this fallacy that it will all be alright in the end as long as I continue on this path but that’s hardly true. Without any improvement there’s no chance I manage to actually achieve what I want to.

Instead of focussing on the huge long term goals that I’m sure I’m somehow going to get I need to focus on the journey (not in some strange esoteric way but just make sure I hit all the lights on the way there) because there’s no way to get somewhere if you don’t know the route.

I need to put netted deadlines on myself and actually understand what needs to be done with everything.

I am babbling on a little now but the whole idea is that I need a kick up the arse, exam results out tomorrow and who knows perhaps I’ll get my kick in the teeth then. Or definitely on Friday when I pick up my actual score breakdowns and my illusions are shattered.

A b fucks my chances of going to Cambridge, an a2 puts a spanner in the works but will give me more motivation to work. We’ll see how the cards end up falling, I did what I could but as I said – I didn’t go as hard as I can go which is honestly a nice prospect that there’s still more to put in and more to give.

Long ass post that is a little disjointed but I did wake up at 4 this morning so I’ll use that as an excuse.

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