Don’t Think

Sotd: white blood – oh wonder. Turns out their female main is cute so there it is. 

So that’s it. Exam season begins. Quite literally the apex of 11 years of school culminating in a month of burning glory or failure – can’t wait. 

On my attempt to get ready it’s time to start listening to red beard and the others again – get my ass in check. The first thing he taught me today (which is crazy because I’ve listened to that stuff dozens of times but you end up getting a different message every time) was about random thoughts, the kind you randomly start getting, when your mind wanders and asks stupid questions. 

I don’t think I have that, I really don’t think I have that inner voice that just spouts random crap and thinks about irrelevent stuff and things that happened in the past apart from a few poignant events. I’ve been trying to think what language I think in and had a real struggle. I don’t really think that much anymore at least not in that VoiceOver way I used to have where I would comment on literally everything that happened in my days. 

I think that’s good, it definitely is. I do still get the voice every now and again – it crops up when I do a music exam where I just sit around criticising myself and other times and it ruins it – I choke. So it’s good I think, I don’t have this weird inner voice talking all the time talking about unrelated things so I suppose that’s one of those unfair advantages redbesrd keeps talking about. 

Shaky Bus

Sotd: young dumb broke – khalid. 

It’s weird to think that I’ve only really got a couple of weeks of school left. Time does actually seem to go faster the older you get and yeah this has felt like it’s gone by way too quickly it doesn’t feel like that long since I tried throwing shoes up a tree trying to get a Frisbee down but that was 2 years ago now. 

I’m not sure what the real meaning of this is, perhaps that time goes by way quicker than you think and you’ll be dead in no time or maybe it’s about how you think sustained effort is real hard but just do it over a long time and you’ll be fine. In all honesty this is just me trying to cope on a bus that shakes so much I feel like it’s going to come apart and my jaw is about to shatter and yeah thank God most cars have suspension. 

I’m not really sure what else to say, I just think it’s cool that days seem to pass real quick some times but real slow at other ones when you’re doing new shit, so maybe that’s the plan do varied shit for the rest of my life to try and increase my time on this place. 

Herbal Essences 

Sotd: the ratio – oliver. Been listening to a lot of this guy and witt recently. Witt is like a nice thing to listen to when you’re bleeding out of your eyes trying to understand what you’re doing. 

Since I insist on never taking time when I’m not either thinking about pointless things or listening to music I’ll just have to write down my thoughts about these exams. 

At this point the thing that’s gonna fuck me over is stupid mistakes and gaps in knowledge. The last few marks I’ve lost over the last few days have been over stupid things like forgetting units or just being an idiot. Hopefully I should catch it out but I need better systems for protect oil against this, perhaps a highlighter mark every now and then to mark it – who knows but it needs to be addressed. 

Next is gaps in knowledge. There’s just little turns of phrases that if you miss you lose marks on and I need to work on those, I haven’t been brutal enough on past papers I don’t think. I also need to go over the whole course some time, end of this week and early next week is probably the time to just go over it all before the last few days. 

In terms of exam technique I’m not sure what my schedule is going to be like. Hopefully I get my kettlebell soon and start my days off with a few kettbell swings and a cold shower perhaps then fast, eat a big ass lunch of veggies and things and crush some acv and chia. Bed probably around 11:00 or so and wake up naturally maybe – or perhaps enforce a wake up time and bed time. Still not sure because I dunno. 

Need to fix some things like English essays and quotes and doing the flashcards properly. I’ve finally just deleted YouTube for the first time in ages which should help. I’d rather be bored than procrastinating and yeah get as much sleep as I can this week because it’s gonna be awful the next month but hopefully rewarding. 

So there it is, the liquid diarrhea of my thoughts, the sadomasochism behind it all. 

Bad Time – Echo Fox

Sotd: I like tuh – carnage ft makanon eh pretty good, may need to wrap this up soon as I’m running out of decent songs – well I ran out of good songs years ago. 

Who would’ve thought one of the best pieces of advice I’d receive in the last few days was from a woman who I didn’t think could give good advice but no she hit it pretty much on the head. Usually when teachers talk about exams I just blank out because it’s kinda played out. 

But nah today she dropped the ” don’t be idiots, forgoe a little fun for the next few weeks and be happy with your results” and yeah, it’s true I have been kinda fucking around, not studying properly. But that’s just not what I should be doing, balls to the wall for the next few weeks so I can get results I’ll be happy with. Y’know, it’s like those awful articles about how kids who can put off instant gratification do the best in life. So yeah, putting off the fun for the next few days for success and future gain. 

Another Day, Another Dollar

Sotd: aahyeahh – Oliver Francis 

So today’s the day, I’m 17 and its weird. I don’t really feel 17, haven’t really tried taking it in yet – right now I can’t really be bothered embracing being older because I don’t see much of a point to it.

I’m not sure what to say about it, had a pretty good day today, after a few weeks of total isolation from people my age it’s nice to be back at school and living it up. It’s kinda annoying when I sit around all day and fester these thoughts that don’t really end up anywhere and its just affirming to be back around the real life. I like where I’m going, I’ve used this year well – pretty well – not as well as I would have wanted to but I have a few dozen of these things so it’s a gradual build up. So I suppose here’s to another year, one betterer and gooderer and honestly yeah it’s just another day that happens to be 17 round the suns after the day I came into the world kicking and screaming. 

Getting Leverage

sotd: the mud – oliver. young man’s getting good. Also russ drops an album in a month or so which hopefully should be fire.

I woke up this morning pissed as hell. I’m not really sure why but I was just kinda angry at everything, there’s probably a few reasons, eating like shit, being sleep deprived and not having moved more than 500 steps total in the last few days.

The last two days have been english¬†hive and goddamn I haven’t really liked it. With the other subjects I take it’s great, you just throw on some earphones and do papers without much thought and yeah, English is just brutal and makes me lose all the will to revise. I’ve been meaning to write an english essay everyday but that’s also going to shit seeing as I still haven’t and one should be kissing frogs first thing in the morning, so this is me being angry so I’ll probably go write one now to give myself a kick up the arsehole, it’s nice playing a victim some of the time but that shit gets tiring after a while.

scond blog post today is gonna be fire let’s be honest.

Laser Tag

Sotd: dna – Kendrick lamar. Lovely little tune. 

Realised I’m a bit of a fucktard. Not in a like a really self-deprecating way or anything just that sometimes I’m a proper idiot. Like today I spent 4 hours selling two contracts when you really should be able to do like 6 in that time (never have but you should be able to).

I literally have no effort to put into this right now so I’m going to do some English or something and yeah bye.