Stumbling Off

Sotd: almost famous – geazy. 

With this whole having an awful memory thing it is worrying that the most basic things seem to be false or true. Dreams I’ve had the night before become entangled with memories of the day before and frankly I can’t really tell which was which. Perhaps its some problems that cropped up when I was born or maybe it’s just the standard human condition to confuse ones own memories. 

It occurs to me as I spent a good hour or two watching and playing vain yesterday that I wouldn’t ever remember it. That despite joy I had in watching armada systematically dismantle the other teams before finally being beat by attrition I would forget it all within a week. The only lasting memories, the only things I would remember and the things I’ve built and done, those are forever immortalized within my mind. 

So the only real way to get a life of contentment of what I’ve done is to produce results, not consumption because you forget that after a few minutes. But the results are permanent and always there. 


Sotd: all that talk – mike stud

The title stands for so I got bit on the foot by a bee because this morning as I prepared to let loose holy hell on my toilet at home I kinda waddled down into position, wiggled my foot into position and then it hit me. This weird numbing sensation that kinda felt like oh shit here comes the stroke. 
But then again it turns out I just stood in a dead bee and I had a sting under my foot which is more annoying than anything that I’d be standing all day with a fuck off bite on my foot. But maybe some wim God training or maybe just because it was kinda dead it was fine after a minute or two. Off to watch mobile masters now

Digging Wells pt2

sotd: candy paint – post malone. Just because “you don’t want war” is the greatest line of all time in my opinion. Maybe it’s too much tv where people compare themselves to being “the war” or bringing it, the allusions to typhoons or elemental things greater than human is something I’ve always thought is just awe-inspiring.

I wrote a post probably a year ago entitled digging wells, it all sprung from a little Tai Lopez quote about digging wells (yeah sorry, there was a point in my life when I actually found Tai amusing and worth watching). The whole quote went something like “dig a well before you need it (complex I know) but the whole idea was to start preparations for things far before you really needed it. One doesn’t get that ibiza beach body a week before they leave but rather must shape it over months. What helped me do well in exams wasn’t that I crammed well or I learn better but because I started to dig that well long before anyone else even thought about it.

That foresight is something I seem to have lost, this ability to force myself to do something when I can’t see any reward in sight, to “grind in the dark” with no real goal in sight, that’s why no one does it. I think I’ve lost the optimism lately, or maybe lost the goal, divided as I am about what to do upon leaving school I’m kinda torn between what to do.

Before the prize was always – well – winning prizes. Now it kinda is but not really, theres entrance exams to schools i might want to go to, innumerable gap year placements that I might be allowed to go to and so on.

Frankly I’m just being a little bitch, need to bite the bullet and get back at it. If I’m not back by next thursday I think we’re gonna have to go back to the days where Kevin tried to bend his will in order to actually do things.

Lucky 13

sotd: frfr – oliver francis.

Went semi full time this week at carphone because school has kinda just given us a week off for fun (na well for “work experience” but I did that two weeks ago so I’m kinda just chilling and getting slave laboured at carphone) But anyway 3 days I’ve worked I’ve done 13 subs which is pretty decent numbers, I have one day left where I reckon I can hit top of the region. Coffee is for closers. In all honesty the job is just trying to find solutions for people, if you have answers to any question there’s no way you can’t sell.

So the actual blog post for today is about “frame battles” an idea recounted upon my by the guru, the tao of zen young redbeard. So in any social interaction he says each person comes with a frame and they clash, whoever ends up with the frame dominating the conversation wins the conversation as they have the stronger frame. A frame is anything, it could be the energy you say something, the attitude you say it with or even the language you use. Battle is a little bit of a misnomer because usually it isn’t hostile. When you talk to someone who swears a lot you can get drawn into their frame and start swearing more. Conversely you may cede to the frame of a higher authority such as a doctor and swear less with them.

Being pumped up and happy draws the same from other people, if it is embraced but if one only presents a facade it is quickly blown down by the negativity of others.

Sometimes of course it is malicious. I never really understood this as a kid, how people found that always taking the piss when someone else is being serious, that someone then trying to be non-serious and the people laughed at them – this in the theory is because the person was forced to enter someone elses frame thus giving away their power and swearing fealty.

So that’s the little snippet for today, chilling tomorrow, gonna read eat and vain.

Brain vs Lane

sotd: oneplus 5 launch because its sexy. To be honest with everything, the only thing I want in a phone is that it just works. None of this intermittent wifi or phone ready to melt your balls off when its just sitting in your pocket. I reckon I will go for apple next, despite my hate for their devices they just seem to work (until they don’t) or at least don’t do that really hot thing where I think my legs are about to catch fire.

I’ve been reading this book about genetics partly for university interviews partly because it’s kinda applicable to daily life in that it tells you how to live mad healthy and one little snippet caught my eye about how one should live life not in accordance to our emotions and what we think we want but what we know is better for us, that’s where contentment lies.

That’s where the effort is, the process of denying your emotional desires, to stop yourself from following the narrative set by your brain that you are to dutifully follow day in and out. I realise just how easy it is to get sucked into this desire for my brain to just sit around watch television and play games, telling myself it’s what I need to do.

I think what I was really good at the last few months was just not having this temptation all the time, not having anything to actuallyr resist and that allowed me to control and do what needed to be done. Should I have stayed like that and not gone back to following my base motivations, probably, but it’s good I think to just unfurl the sails every now and then.


Pale Nation

sotd: twenty did it again – 24hrs. When a big black man sounds like a small white boy.

I was gonna talk about some things that popped up, my diagnosis about emotion and why docility is key, chilled for a little while avoiding it then hopped on instagram and saw justin escalona on a live – click on it and it opens with him talking about the human condition. Then I realised how ridiculous it all was. that at 17 I’m trying to write a treatise on things people have devoted their lives to.

So that’s today’s post. “In all things have no preference” says the dokkodo, that list that lies above my bed that has been unread for months. Basically you really shouldn’t have opinions on anything unless you have properly researched into it or have done it. What most annoys me in my day, the one thing that grinds my gears more than anything else in the entire world is these instagram girls who live in los angeles are vegans who go to boxing class or the gym everyday but still can’t lift more than two kilos but have a metabolism such that it doesn’t matter what they eatand have built up a following of thirsty guys (myself included) and then have devided any action they take must be gospel or something like that even in realms like politics, health or don’t even get me started on “hustle” because nothing grinds my gears more than girls who spend all their time in cafes and bars “networking”.

So that’s my two cents on the whole thing.

September Rain

Sotd: I love it when you cry – Steve aoki. 

Glasgow open day today and dunno really what to think. 

I’m not sure how I’m going to choose a university. Glasgow actually looked pretty promising during lectures where they proclaim freedom and flexibility and you sit enraptured in their rhetoric before you realise that on fact every university offers it. I seem to have developed this undying allegience for natural sciences at Cambridge despite having not really read what it entails nor understand what is better. 

A realization fell upon me today that perhaps I would prefer a humanity. A history or a law or economics. The only reason I never really considered it was I was just expected to do science and I did it well enough to never consider otherwise. But in terms of actual enjoyment maybe a humanity would be better? 

I’m not sure honestly. Looking back at the last school year I spent most of it just sitting around in class bored out of my mind drawing fidget spinners or whatever else I spent the last year doing. I doubt university is going to change much, apparently it’ll be a challenge but they’ve said that every year. I’ll give it a crack anyway – I’ve years of my life to waste right now and I might love it. 

I have realised that I probably like the small college environment a la st Andrews or Cambridge. I haven’t actually been to either yet but I can imagine enjoying myself in this little town of sorts going around surrounded by peers and not the scary public.