Fiery Descent

Sotd: blacker the berry – kendrick

Best scenes on the bus listening to 14 year olds chatting about how they’re gonna “beat the shit out of the cunt” which I think is very cute. I think one of those funny things to watch are kids fighting because it just looks so funny when they’re flailing around. So that’s my weird thing that I don’t actually enjoy because I don’t watch it because I don’t really search for it. 

One thing I think is weird is the possibility of the dark web. This mythical place where everything exists from the most fucked up places imaginable. I don’t really think I believe in it just because it seems too weird, there can’t be that many fucked up thing – hopefully it’s some modern day myth. 

Then again I dont believe I’ve ever met a truly evil Chinese person but the west is convinced about it, actually the west is probably right there’s a billion of us I wouldn’t be surprised if some of us were totally kooky. Finishing here because eh need to prepare for an interview and other things that need to be done – ie Kevin is drowning in schoolwork and doesn’t want to admit it. 

Lumiere Tears

Sotd: wake up – gnash

It’s weird that I might have found out my passion whilst trying to cheat for a test. The test is the video interview for some bank of England internship and I was just checking out some of the questions and model answers and some things caught my eye. 

Some stuff about people liking solving problems and applying theory to real applications – that might be the key honestly. I think it combines a few of the things I’ve quite liked, it answers why I decided to get a job at carphone, applying sales theory; it explains why I do maths challenges, hard problems and so on. 

So that might be my passion, not a discipline or anything like that but rather just the process of solving problems and creating new ways of thinking and that’s what really drives me. 

That and working hard and having it pay off in a real way. I chose most of my goals for the year because their results are obvious, there’s prize giving, mad money, health and whatever the other goals where. So I suppose that is a selfish goal, but isn’t every goal? 

Right now I’m just kinda doing preparation for that exam because I’m kinda scared – life changing opportunity on the line and all that but I think I’ll ace it. I’ve got enough experience of being in difficult situations and doing well hopefully it transfers over. 

Floral Off’rings

Sotd: bricks – carnage. Put this on Max volume by accident this morning and actually quite liked it, my ears are shot as shit but whatever it was an experience.

The  question of the day today is am I motivated? No I reckon is the answer. I’ve done some cool shit but I reckon honestly it’s mostly good luck or planning. The reason I say this is because of shit like last night where I played on game of vain then just kept going. To put this is context I have mad important shit this week, quite a lot of my courses to be done and interviews for awesome stuff and I just couldn’t do it. 

So that’s my talk on my failings of motivation and I’ll finish here cause things to do people to see

Why No One Visits

Sotd: lambourghini tears – Marc goone

So yesterday during my chill time I ended up watching some old daily docs because I didn’t really believe that the old ones were that much better. Turns out I was wrong, daily docs used to have fire then they became overproduced and he tried to hard to not be a teenager and it was very boring. The 100 days vid was awesome and I think I’ll try make one this summer if all goes to plan. I doubt I’ll use to same song but maybe the carnage remix – who knows, who cares still months until that. 

I dont really have anything to say today, what is the point of this blog? It’s weird trying to think about it. My old excuse is for that mad university application but my parents are gonna read that ergo i can’t put this in. Perhaps so I’m the future I can see what I was like as a kid but I doubt I’ll bother. Theres others like improving my English but honestly I’m just repeating the same grammatical mistakes over and over again on this with no end. 

I tried to quit once, back at the one year anniversary but it was weird, I freaked out at the last minute and pussied out of it so I’ll probably end up writing another year. All these are questions for another day unfortunately, one where I’m bored enough to think of these things. 

His Favourite Song

sotd: sipping tea in the hood – xxxtentacionxxx. This song just left me incredibly confused and honestly it was just very weird and scary to listen to but still quite enjoyable.

I don’t ever really try and muse on the meaning of song lyrics but there’s one from chance’s brother, Taylor Bennett that is quite good: “someone told him his favourite song” now I probably mishear it and the real lyric is nothing like that but the idea is something I noticed in myself last night. Currently they’re running VG 8 which is like a weekly competition for Vainglory and it’s mad fire, it also means I’m on 5 hours sleep and made lots of bad decisions but whatever. One thing when watching them play is that I have clear favourites, I get mad if one team is winning and annoyed if “my” team is losing. I’ve made up weird reasons for liking certian teams maybe off of their player names but honestly there’ no real reason for choosing a “side” but it severely affects my enjoyment of the game and I think that’s odd.

I’ve started watching those music reaction videos to songs that I really like, I’m not quite sure why, perhaps seeing that soemone else likes the music I like brings some safety to the rash choice and shows that I can’t be called out for it because some random guy on the internet also likes it. .

So that’s my sunday morning musings, bye.

 

 

 

 

 

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Fillibuster Feelings

sotd: winter – khalid.

WOOHOOO. After half a year of the biggest drought in Geek Squad sales in recorded history (that’s a total lie) I finally got them, two in a row.

There’s this feeling of incredible accomplishment when you finally nail something that’s been plaguing you for so long. This was literally ruining my whole work life. Every time I turned up to work I was terrified of my boss calling me out and then firing me promptly.

I mean when my other colleague who literally doesn’t give a fuck about anything decided to sit me down and say my sales for insurance was fucking atrocious was a little worrying because this guy doesn’t really care about anything. I think he was a little scared that my boss hadn’t realised and that when he did I would get fired and then he would lose his millennial buddy who was the only person who doesn’t loathe him.

So that part of my life is fixed, probably won’t do that well on it but I have the confidence now and it feels good.

I think one thing I have realised is that I need to be less hard on myself. I keep getting pissed off that I’m not some supremely efficient guy where every second has a point, but maximillian and a bit of hulse reassured me that honestly it’s fine and that’s very good.

I think I do finally know what I want to do at university, Natural Sciences at Cambridge looks lit and I think I can get there, just need to knuckle down and put in the work. That or I do an apprenticeship and join the city but apparently you need a degree to prove you’re good enough for most banking jobs.

I am rather tempted to do something to do with saving the earth, it was a major fear of mine as a kid that the world would die and yeah ,maybe that’s what I’ll end up doing, until then essays to write and things to sign up for.

My Prophetic Soul

Sotd: woke the fuck up – Jon bellion. The bougie music app I use decides it’s fun to put artist pictures up as my lockscreen for whoever is playing. It’s usually fine because it’s either tasteful cover art or white men but now and again there’s just pictures of nicki minaj in skin tight outfits that just something I want coming up on my phone in public. 

Despite my uncompramising failure to get into anything related to oxbridge my school took us to some conference on how to get into the two universitys. My dad keeps wanting me to go to these things but honestly I don’t really see the value in them. It seems that it really is quite simple to get into a good university, just do well in exams. 

Simple isn’t easy as someone important says and yeah it’s true. There is a real danger I fuck up my entire university application due to a bad English grade and currently I’m not doing anything to rectify the problem. The same goes for violin which is simple enough to fix – just practise more but I’m refusing to do it for some reason. 

Why people seen incapable of doing what they know is good for them perplexes me and I would talk more about it if I had enough time but honestly I’m drowning in shit to do and time not procrastinating to do it in.