Lowkey Dancing

sotd: thunder – imagine dragons because I’m a total hoe for pop music.

sometimes you sit there listening to redbeard babble on and it just confuses you, when he confesses that he has more fun throwing his phone in the air whilst working 20 hour days than you will just sitting around watching tv all day you suspect something is a little off.

I didn’t really believe the guy, how could mundane little things bring you amusement in your life? I was wrong it turns out and my messiah came from the strangest place.

Day 2 at camp, doomed points out this girl and is like oh she’s kinda hot, because at camp we become the biggest creeps ever. The next day at sports we start talking to her, turns out she’s crazy. Not like mentally crazy but like living embodiment of internet memes and actually gets wet over jake paul songs – of course we instantly fall in love.

Now I’ve always been fascinated with these new dance moves like the whip and the other ones whose names i don’t know, I’ve genuinely always found it cool that just kinda moving your hands made these cool little routines. So the way she did it was like real lowkey, like just a flick of the wrist or single finger and yeah I just found it stupidly amusing it would honestly just drive me into hysterics.

That was two weeks ago and christ I find myself doing them randomly throughout the day, and everytime I catch myself doing it I just have a good laugh, it’s so ridiculous but is so amusing, so yeah I finally phone my redbeard phone throw – lowkey dancing like the crazy girl from camp.

Retail Therapy

Sotd: silence – marshmello because yall sleeping on this song, fuck despacito – khalid wins.

So I got back to Edinburgh yesterday, body in pain from burns and cuts on my feet that have crippled me and mother forces me to go into school to get my exam results. There was this lovely guy who looked a little like the deez nuts guy who let me in and he was great and I hope he actually becomes our new janitor.

So I was pretty happy, a little confused about all my scores, I fucked the things I thought I’d do well in and did well in things I was convinced I’d failed. Overall I suppose I was happy, I got good results, perhaps not what I’d wanted exactly but good enough.

After that I ran off to some personal statement workshop an hour after it had started, there were only a dozen or so kids so the woman literally just shut me down as soon as I came in and everytime I tried to answer anything she just shut me down. I lesrnt a bit of stuff that was useful but it was kinda all ethereal rubbish that had no grounding in anything.

And here I am now, sitting around at carphone, trying to figure out what I need done. I have a stack of books on loan I need to read, things to learn and this crazy Egyptian girl who’s going to some summer camp I’m going to messaging me. I kinda wanna just spend some money right now, drop a hunnid on something, I think capitalism is getting to me but I’m kinda lost right now and need something to do, so destroying my bank balance will have to do.

Tempted to buy a fake-preme kinda thing which is actually really nice, but am I crazy enough to drop 50 pound on a tshirt? Maybe. We’ll see how much it all works out to but if my parents find out I’m getting crucified.

Or I buy a new pair of ultra boosts because the ones I’m wearing now are just kinda iffy, are black and I stupidly got uncaged ones.

2 hours till the drop, we’ll see what happens.

Focus Run

Sotd: silence -khalid and marshmello

So I’m on the plane back from croatia and yeah it’s bloody freezing. I actually managed to burn in the sun for once, not horrible burns but my shoulders are kinda tender, I mean it took 5 hours swimming to get there but we got there in the end.

Yesterday was really chill, a few nights ago this kinda shady guy approached us and asked if we wanted to go get a boat to an island. Basically croatia had this national park with 150 islands and one of them he says is owned by this mafiosa and out of the goodness of his heart he lets Asian tourists visit it for a few hours, swim around and have some food. Suspect right, but my parents probably in an error of judgement agreed and yeah there we went.

It was great fun honestly, didn’t get killed by a mafia boss and didn’t find any suspicious parcels out at sea. My feet are totally cut up from the rocks but yeah loved it.

So yeah back to edin today and I’m a little scared, mother’s making us run straight to school so I can pick up my marks from my exam and that’s terrifying, basically if I do real well that shit can go on the personal statement and actually help, if I don’t there’s really no point and if I’ve done real bad then I’m kinda fucked for cambridge.

A little worried I’ve ruined my phone as well, I dropped it in the sea, broke the loudspeaker and for a bit we thought it wouldn’t charge but turns out the hotel had a defective socket, but my SIM card isn’t being recognized so there’s a chance I can never make a call with this phone again.

We sell 2 year contracts but genuinely I seen to consistently fuck up my phones after a year, it’s like this little timer before I start smashing screens and breaking corners off.

Notice

Sotd: full circle – Quinn. Young man was fire and just been pressing skip everytime it comes on but it’s still fire.

A lot of weird shit happened last summer. I went to china, probably got heat stroke and went mad. I deleted all my social media, starting reciting these 21 tenants of an old Japanese samurai and basically sat in bed bored out of my mind contemplating my life. A few things that I’d noticed. Two years passed way too quickly, I could still remember what it was like last time I had gone and it was scary to think the time had passed so quickly. I must have decided on this idea I’ve had for a while about “standing out”. Not standing out like in a shouting in a crowd but academically.

This might sound weird but with our examination system it’s easy enough to get an A and I’m sure people are screaming at the injustice of saying that and that its incredibly hard but I think it’s set so that 30% of people have to get an A. There’s really anything else higher than that, we kinda have an A+ but no one actually looks at it. What scares me is this applying to university thing, if everyone has 5 As, what’s differentiator? Or is it all down to chance.

There’s always the personal statement but the ones I’ve read, even in the kids who are successful are just whoever can write the most cheesy bullshit Instagram fitness star caption about aspirations, dreams and lifelong passion.

My whole idea was just to write about facts not these myths, so yeah that’s why I started collecting names and shit I could actually put down that actually carried gravitas.

Like even just this summer I got into a bunch of cool shit that I can put down. Prague, Eindhoven, Mckinsey bain, alpha sights, edge hill, HSBC and EY sure I didn’t go to all of them (barely any let’s be honest) but it’s stuff I can talk about and helped me work on this bloody personal statement when I tried writing down what I wanted and what I liked.

I’m still not sure what to write, go full esoteric or factual, whilst factual looks cool it bores people. The only reason I ever got an interview for carphone was not being boring, but then again I wasn’t on equal footing with everyone else, here I am.

Thwn there’s the question of what to study, in terms of what I think I want to do, I think it is marketing and human behaviour it’s what I find most interesting right now and looking at what I’ve had the most fun doing it was writing copy for the spinners or figuring out how to do SEO for scope.

Who really knows, I’m young, I’ll find out later on but first there’s uni, that one gatekeeper into the world of work. I’ll still be applying to gap year things for next year though, I think a year in London working would help even if just to earn a little money to chirp on the kids.

Cream White

Sotd: Malibu – 24 hrs and post Malone – it really warmed on me, didn’t like it first listen but it’s getting better

Bruh totally fucked up my neck on the bus home today because I tried to sleep and that shit isn’t made for short people like me.

Just had the greatest dinner of all time in Croatia, had that mad steak which I’ve never actually had at a restaurant before.

I literally need sleep so bye lol, love a good quality blog post.

Results Day 2017

Sotd: morning song – lumineers

So yeah the fated day came today, the day I either got shafted by the SQA or my anxieties continued until Friday when I found out my bands.

It all started going wrong last night when I thought about just how fucked I would be if I got a B, that basically every university id planned to apply to wouldn’t take me anymore and that shit was just scary. Not helping was the fact that it was like 27 degrees whilst I was trying to sleep so I just ended up watching game of thrones.

I kept waking up sporadically throughout the night, checking my phone to see if it was time to get those goddamn scores texted to me. Then the dreams started coming, nothing awful just weird imaginings of me getting them, in one my whole year assembled at some coffee shop and they just handed out envelopes with our results in and another one they were flown in by storks.

Turns out I hadn’t signed up for text, but I didn’t know that so I spent a good hour or so shitting myself wondering where my scores were but yeah, the email eventually turned up in my spam folder which was great.

And yeah, that’s it I suppose, now to stress out about bandings.

ABW

Sotd: blue pill – Marc goone.

Abw stands for always be winning but I couldn’t really be bothered with that title because I’m sure I’ve done it before and acronyms make everything better.

Surprisingly chipper right now for someone who woke up at 4am for a flight. I’m currently on it right now, I’ve done some reading, smashed out a spreadsheet of calculations and yeah happy days. I was listening to this recent redbeard speech and shit really hit me in the feels.

The whole premise was that we’re fucking ourselves thinking that everything will work out for the better and its something I’m starting to see in myself. I haven’t lost in a while, not properly lost and by losing I mean after months of preparation falling flat on your face. I’ve fallen into this fallacy that it will all be alright in the end as long as I continue on this path but that’s hardly true. Without any improvement there’s no chance I manage to actually achieve what I want to.

Instead of focussing on the huge long term goals that I’m sure I’m somehow going to get I need to focus on the journey (not in some strange esoteric way but just make sure I hit all the lights on the way there) because there’s no way to get somewhere if you don’t know the route.

I need to put netted deadlines on myself and actually understand what needs to be done with everything.

I am babbling on a little now but the whole idea is that I need a kick up the arse, exam results out tomorrow and who knows perhaps I’ll get my kick in the teeth then. Or definitely on Friday when I pick up my actual score breakdowns and my illusions are shattered.

A b fucks my chances of going to Cambridge, an a2 puts a spanner in the works but will give me more motivation to work. We’ll see how the cards end up falling, I did what I could but as I said – I didn’t go as hard as I can go which is honestly a nice prospect that there’s still more to put in and more to give.

Long ass post that is a little disjointed but I did wake up at 4 this morning so I’ll use that as an excuse.