Sotd: antidote – Travis Scott ultimate version.
This whole not going to sleep until 2 and waking up at 8 is getting to me. Currently waiting for a bus to take us into some iberirian hills and let’s talk about dreams. The first one was that I totally cucked up all my exams. I had fucked up the timetable so much that it turned out I had a day between each exam and who knows what I spent that day doing but I went between exams getting shafted by exam papers left and right which was painful. Then a pretty good one about this summer camp I go to where they abolished all the rules so half was pretty fun like we got to choose our own tents and shit but then there were people just shitting in the field and that turned out horrendous.
It’s so weird trying to get myself to sleep more. Like I know it’s really good for me and there’s really nothing better than a good night’s sleep plus need to get on it but yeah still can’t be bothered and its hard just turning that phone off and going to sleep. Will need to figure it out pretty sharpish anyway. Then there’s the task of eating better, I let myself go for this week just because well holiday and its crazy how much it affects you, I’ve got bunches of weird inflamed parts and yeah not fun.
I’ll finish here, gotta make some finesse plans and dunno look at pretty scenery.
sotd: good life freestyle – oliver francis.
Did a cheeky cycle around palma today which was great fun and also gave me a few hours to think whilst I wasn’t trying to look out for nude sunbathers ( i kid, just looking at the lovely vistas). I thought about this whole exam thing and how retarded it is that I’ve spent like the week beforehand fucking around in spain, like it’s been really fun and all but seriously wrong time.
I shouldn’t be that worried I don’t think, I’ve done way more than most people and should be fine but there’s still this worrying idea of not having done as much as I could have done. But then in my opinion exams are more a test of wits and confidence rather than actual knowledge and perhaps this is a little gamble, either I walk in supremely confident so much so that I spent a whole week playing around instead of working or I die of anxiety from having not felt like I’ve done enough.
Accidently went into the sea with headphones in my pocket so they’re kinda fucked so I’m moving onto my like 6th pair this year, ending here time to destroy my anxiety hopefully.
Sotd: new bar – vic mensa. One of those songs I keep skipping but I think I was preoccupied one time and couldn’t skip it and found out it was actually pretty good.
There’s this one quote from the good book that I heard of ages ago, I don’t remember the context I heard it in, maybe Tai who really knows. “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” and basically it was some bitchy Jews tryna catch Jesus out by getting him to condemn a criminal and decide his punishment and Jesus drops a bomb on them.
This post isn’t about my imminent conversion to Christianity because I’m definitely not doing that anytime soon – I like having my Sundays free.
I’ve realised that perhaps I’m not infallible and that honestly still need to figure some shit out. Not like that weird shit like “babe I just need space to find myself whilst I go to Thailand and get a train run on me” but like just figure out what I want to do with my time and areas I need to work on. So either this blog turns introspective and the whole world gets a look into what I’m doing which could be cool or I dunno I just write rambles on this until I decide to give up, who knows? Who cares?
sotd: humble – kendrick lamar. Didn’t really like the song at first, it was kinda annoying because people were on his dick and there was literally nothing to the song. But then I listened to the album and it’s quite good now.
Had a mad good day today, went on a little cruise type thing to a neighbouring island which was fun as shit because it’s nice just getting to look at some cliffs and nice nature and got some nice videos. Then we landed and god damn i had the greatest lamb I’ve ever had in a shitty little self service restaurant after the guy stuck it in a microwave I’d thought it would be ruined but that shit was still fire. Might have to give up on the whole rick stein place because this has only made me realise that shit never really lives up to the dream because it was awesome but not that cool and after a few hours I totally forgot about it.
Then swam in the sea for a bit, was stupid enough to go out pretty far and then didn’t and was an idiot so yeah that was pretty painful because I ended up drinking a lot of seawater but still alive.
I’ll write more later, shit to do, can’t actually remember what it was but I’ll do it.
so yeah today’s epiphany is that I’m a angsty shit who really knows being angsty. So yeah I spent a good hour today being pissed off at my parents for not letting me go to prague or this other bio one but I realise they’re probably right and I’m being an idiot because most likely I will get my kidneys stolen or knifed.
It’s like I just really like being pissed off at people and look for a reason to do that and yeah it’s kinda weird and it’s annoying to notice that you’re being an idiot, anyway need to get on that proper revision again because scared but not really, kinda quietly confident I think, gonna finish here and get the other blog done.
sotd: only one – kanye west, it’s just a really nice song that’s just very cute
So yeah I’m now in Palma which is in spain and it didn’t really know where I was going but got up at like 5 and got here and it was great fun. My life has been split into 4 periods, paella 1, paella 2, paella 3 and finally paella 4. i’m totally joking but I have had only 4 paellas in my life and yeah they were all quite different. The first ever was at a restaurant in Portgual that I really did not like and it was one of those awful tourist traps. That trip was one of the funnest if not scariest I’ve had, I remember sitting on a balcony with my parents drinking sunny d and yeah had this really sad thought about how life was gonna end and yeah weird fucking thoughts for a kid of like 8.
Number two was on a catamaran and I threw up so many times, had a good swim in the sea and that was all fun then the captain made the most bougie paella which was basically just boil in the bag rice, chirizo and tonnes of peas but I was so dead so yeah ate like 4 plastic cups of that. Then the greatest meal of my life probably ever two days after, Boccaccio in Nice in France and that was incredible, the whole experience wasn’t the best for reasons not to be mentioned and today was a pretty good one up in spain and yeah it’s gonna be fun, got some work to do but whatever it’s fun stuff and hopefully going to that mad rick stein place with awesome roast lamb.
sotd: coming through – russ. After the whole debacle of me missing a Jon Bellion concert I’ve gone back on the old guard, and damn old russ is fire, especially with those cool ass videos on his instagram.
Today’s post is about anxiety, I had this period last year or so when I talked about “being complete and cups running over and whatnot and yeah didn’t really work all that woowoo rubbish, I’m still terrified I’m gonna fuck up my exams, it’s probably unfounded, definitely is unless I totally just throw up on my paper but yeah it’s just kinda worrying, this discovery of 30 something past papers is a problem, I’ll probably try do them all which is gonna be the death of me and yeah not looking forward to that, I am concerned there are gaps to my knowledge though that mostly concerns biology which is genuinely a shitshow when they start asking you what a healthy BMI is and why losing weight is good.
So yeah little apprehensive but I’m going to spain tomorrow, boss is gonna fire me and yeah it’s all going well, least russ is fire. Plus dad is all up on my ass for not getting into a single oxbridge summer school yet and has resorted to pulling out the checkbook which actually makes me want to cry seeing him try and force me in by dropping bands, it shouldn’t be like that fam. Plus parents aren’t letting me go to prague for racist reasons so yeah probably have to go work for an accounting company and make actual money instead of prancing in the mountains of the czech republic with some eastern european shorties, ah the struggles of my life.